


Broken Hearts and Third Chances

by psychedelichaz



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Basically they're exes and try to be friends but it doesn't work out very well, Denial of Feelings, Eleanor Calder - Freeform, Eventual Smut, Exes to Lovers, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Harry Styles - Freeform, Heavy Drinking, Hurt Harry Styles, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealous Harry, Jealous Louis, Liam Payne - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Minor Camille Rowe/Harry Styles, Minor Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson, Miscommunication, Multi, Niall Horan - Freeform, References to Drugs, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Song: Don't Let It Break Your Heart (Louis Tomlinson), Zayn Malik - Freeform, but not too explicit, camille rowe - Freeform, just a lot of jealousy, kendall jenner - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:20:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychedelichaz/pseuds/psychedelichaz
Summary: Louis Tomlinson has been trying to get over his ex for sixth months. His agony over it leaves him with two friends, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne. Louis convinces himself he's moving passed it until he goes with Zayn to the wedding of Eleanor Calder and Kendall Jenner and comes face to face with his ex, Harry Styles. A bad attempt at becoming friends leaves them both with unresolved feelings and more flashbacks than either of them can handle.
Relationships: Camille Rowe/Harry Styles, Eleanor Calder/Kendall Jenner, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 43





	1. Don't Let it Break Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this is mostly based on Don't Let it Break Your Heart and also inspired by the series High Fidelity on Hulu :))
> 
> As always the characters are purely my imagination and don't reflect the real people. They're both very selfish and traumatized and fucked up. You will probably not always like them but their hearts are hopefully in the right place. 
> 
> My twitter is @cmoonstyles if you have any questions :)

Louis sat, legs crossed on the couch. The sun was setting and it cast ominous shadows on the wooden floor. The television was playing but not loud enough for him to make any sense of it. He wasn’t trying to listen. He was just trying to feel less alone...less, unhinged. Six months. He hadn’t seen his Harry (not really his anymore but who cares) in sixth months. And in those six months he had made it a habit to sit in his living room on dull Friday nights and listen to anything but his own thoughts. It was the only thing that kept him sane. Routine, order, control. He needed control. 

On Saturday mornings his friends would stop by just to make sure he hadn’t up and died. Six months ago he had more than 20 friends, probably more than 30. Now, he had two. Liam and Zayn. Liam was kind of funny. Like, funny in the way you had to pay attention to and look out for or you wouldn’t really get it. Really, he was just like a big teddy bear, soft around the edges and too kind for his own good. Louis liked that about him. Liam made up for the fact that Louis was a dick. He always cleaned up his messes and deescalated bad situations. Zayn was basically another version of Louis and so typically, Louis liked Zayn a lot. He always had good weed and always knew where the best parties were. Not that Louis had been outside his flat much, let alone been to a party in the last six months. But, Zayn was probably his best friend. And when Louis called him at 2 am crying over the boy who broke his heart, he always answered.  
So, sometimes on Saturday morning Liam and Louis would show up to his flat to check his pulse. They always brought coffee and blueberry scones or sometimes greasy breakfast burritos. Louis always acted surprised when they showed up and they always acted like they couldn’t see right through him. And honestly, Louis was thankful for them in a way he couldn’t really express. Without them he would have probably been dead in some alley with a needle in his arm a long time ago. 

But today was Friday and today Louis was sitting on his couch trying not to cry and trying harder not to think. But today, he couldn’t. The thoughts were banging hard on his temples and his face was wet and that’s when he realized he had been crying the whole time. He wiped his face, sighing loudly. It filled up the room, lodging itself in his ears and leaving a dull ringing sound. He needed a smoke. Louis got up, moving towards the window. It was raining, he could see the drops hitting the pavement, creating disorganized patterns. He shrugged, grabbing his coat and a hat, pulling it over his face as he grabbed a joint and headed for the door. 

London. He hated it here. Every part that he used to love was now ruined by a long-limbed freak who broke his heart. He hated the coffee shops and the pubs and the cute dogs. God, he fucking hated the cute dogs. They reminded him of foam lingering on an upper lip, late nights and drunken kissing and a small black pug named Olive. Taking out his joint and a barely functioning lighter, he leaned against the outside of his flat. No one was outside. It was too late. Louis’ mom had always told him that nothing good happened at 2 am. Louis wondered now if she was right and he should just go back inside and fall asleep in a puddle of self-pity. Louis took a long drag, attempting to hold the smoke in his lungs for as long as he possibly could before watching as the remaining smoke escaped in ghostly tendrils above his head. 

*

“You look perfect.” Harry smiled, taking the joint from Louis’ outstretched hand. “Sickenly perfect.” Louis shook his head in response, trying to hide a grin. 

“You flatter me Hazza.” He whispered, watching Harry lift the joint to his lips. In an attempt to stop his mind from wandering to dirty places he cleared his throat. 

“Have you ever watched Love, Actually?” Louis asked him, curious. 

“Lou, why wouldn’t I have?” He fires back, amusement written all over his face. 

“Well, I dunno. You’re a curious and strange boy.”

“Curious AND strange?” Harry laughed, exaggerating the ‘and.’ “Please Louis, how else would you describe me?”

Louis didn’t respond. Instead, crossing his arms in frustration. Harry was an overly difficult boy and he had no idea why he put up with him. Harry rolled his eyes, setting the joint down in an ashtray and crawling across the floor. He stopped when he was kneeling in front of a grumpy Louis. 

“C’mon Louis, how else would you describe me?” There was a smirk on his face. A dangerous one. Oh, how Harry loved his games. 

“I wouldn’t.” Louis spit. 

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, so you’re going to be stubborn are you?” Harry attempted not to laugh but failed, his face lighting up like the fourth of July. 

“I am not being difficult Harold I simply do not want to play your stupid games.” Louis retorted, sticking his tongue out in the direction of the younger boy. Harry took this opportunity to grab Louis’ tongue and hold it between his thumb and pointer finger. Louis groaned in anger, trying (but not really) to pull his tongue from Harry’s grasp. This was not the first time this had happened. Instead of letting go, Harry used it to pull Louis closer to him. 

“You don’t want to play huh?” He teased him. Dropping Louis’ tongue as he grabbed one side of the sassy boy’s face, inviting him into a kiss. 

*

Louis was snapped back into reality when he felt his socks getting wet. Realizing he was standing in a puddle, he leaped to the side, shaking his feet wildly in attempts to get rid of some of the water. The joint was half gone and barely lit when he put the rest back into his pocket. Not quite ready to go back inside yet, Louis started walking. He had no idea where he was headed but continued on, his shoulders hunched and his hands shoved deep into his pockets. He shivered slightly as he floated on, his head cloudy. He was high, really high and everything seemed as if it were coated in pink cotton candy. Louis could hear each raindrop hitting the ground and when he looked up the sky was broken into a million fragments. 

Sometime later, he found himself standing outside a brick building. It was old, probably built in the 90s and the pastel blue paint was chipping off the front door. Panic rushed through his body when he realized where he was standing. He stood there, damp and frozen in panic. 

He was standing outside Harry’s flat. Louis whipped his head around as if to check for company. But of course, he was alone. Completely alone. He had just walked three miles and hadn’t even realized it. Fumbling for his phone, he pulled it out, grimacing as the screen illuminated and stung his eyes for a brief moment. Four o’clock in the morning. He had been outside and wandering around for almost two hours now. How did this happen? How had he lost so much time? His fingers ached from the cold and he yearned deeply for a cup of coffee. There was no way he would be able to sleep anytime soon. The rain had seemed to reach his veins, leaving him with an everlasting chill. Quickly swiping through his contacts he found who he was looking for and clicked “call.”  
“Louis? It’s 4 am. What’s going on?” A worried voice hurried over the phone. Louis felt his body relax slightly at the words.  
“Zayn…I-I went for a walk and, and I just. I don’t know.”  
“Where are you? I can come get you.” Zayn interrupted. Louis could already hear his friend getting out of bed and putting on his clothes.  
“I’m outside his apartment Zayn,” Louis whispered, embarrassed.  
“What? Do you mean...Harry’s?” The commotion had stopped behind the phone and Louis imagined Zayn standing there, shocked.  
“...Yeah.” He responded, letting out a breath.  
“Okay. Okay. Jesus, Lou. I will be there in fifteen. Just don’t move.” Zayn snaps at him before hanging up. 

Louis could feel the tears starting again. Everyone was mad at him. He always fucked everything up. He sat down on the curb, not caring about the damp seeping through to his ass. It was less than fifteen minutes before a car pulled up in front of him. Louis knew he was in for a lecture and he knew he deserved it. He kept his head down as he got into the black car, keeping his limbs close to his body. 

“Lou…” Zayn said softly, surprising Louis. He didn’t lookup. Instead, he focused on a hole in his shoes, probably the culprit of his wet socks. Louis flinched when Zayn’s hand fell on the back of his head. 

“My poor Lou,” Zayn mumbled, his fingers tangling themselves in Louis’ hair. When Louis still didn’t look at him, Zayn dropped his hand, exasperated. 

“I’m sorry,” Louis responded after a few seconds. Zayn started the car. 

“Let’s go to mine Louis, I can watch after you. We can wake up and smoke a couple joints and watch bad telly all day. Please, just let me take care of you.” See, Zayn had this way of making Louis feel completely adored. Like, he couldn’t exist without him.

“Okay.” Louis agreed, picking his head up and managing a small smile. Zayn really was beautiful, especially at 4 in the morning when he had just come to his rescue. “Okay.” He repeated. 

“Are you hungry?” Zayn asked him after they had been driving for a few minutes. Louis shook his head. He felt sick at the mention of food. Louis leaned his forehead against the frozen window, watching the road spin beneath the car. 

“How’d you end up at Harry’s Louis?” 

“I don't know. I was walking.” Louis said under his breath, slightly annoyed. 

“Why’d you go out walking at four o’clock in the morning?” 

Here came the lecture. Louis just shrugged, hoping that Zayn would get the hint and fuck off. Louis watched Zayn’s knuckles turn white, wrapped around the steering wheel. 

“I came and got you, I think I at least get an explanation,” Zayn said through gritted teeth. 

“I went on a walk to smoke and I guess I got too high because next thing I knew I was at his door,” Louis said in one breath. He fidgeted with his fingers, suddenly anxious. 

“Okay. That wasn’t too hard was it?”

Zayn’s house was small but pretty. The outside was painted green and ivy climbed the tall walls. He liked his gardens and the front and backyard were both overrun with flowers of every color and flavor. Zayn’s family was rich and although he didn’t like to talk about it or show it off, so was he. Louis was sure that Zayn could probably buy every house on the block. But he didn’t. And Louis loved that about him. 

Inside, everything was incredibly clean. The living room and the kitchen were basically the same thing, broken up only by a dining room table decorated only with a crystal bowl filled with a variety of fruits. In the living room, there was a scratchy green couch accompanied by a scratchy green chair facing a television and marble fireplace. 

“Do you have any clothes I could borrow? I am kinda wet.” Louis said, turning to face Zayn who was still standing by the door. 

“Yeah, let’s go upstairs.” Zayn gestured towards the stairs. Louis climbed up the steps clumsily, tripping over his own feet multiple times. Zayn laughed. 

“Don’t laugh at me. I am sad and broken.” Louis said in a teasing tone. 

Zayn rolled his eyes. “Yes, Yes. Sad and broken.” 

They walked together into his room which was the polar opposite than the rest of the house. Everything decorated in dark tones. The comforter, a rich plum color, and the pillows all black. Louis had been in this room many times before, probably too many times. Louis grabbed onto the bookcase that sat near the bed, removing both of his shoes. Zayn returned from his closet, holding grey sweatpants, a pair of underwear, and a black shirt. Louis took them from him. 

“Thank you,” Louis spoke, meaning it deeply. Without thinking Louis stripped out of his clothes and put on the newer, dryer, ones. They felt soft against his skin and he sighed in content. Zayn sat on the edge of the bed, looking at him in a way he didn’t quite understand. 

“Let’s go to sleep, my Lou.” Louis nodded in agreement, climbing onto the bed and getting under the covers with excitement. He giggled faintly, snuggling beneath the many blankets. Zayn got in beside him and they turned to face each other, inches apart.

“Thank you, again.” Louis breathed. He could hear the rain start again outside, and hummed at the sound. Everything was perfect in this moment. 

“Always, Lou. You know that. Always.” Zayn promised. Louis reached out, resting a hand on the other boy's cheek. He moved forward, placing a delicate kiss onto Zayn’s lips. Zayn leaned into the kiss, deepening it momentarily. Louis backed away.  
“Just hold me?” Louis questioned. 

“Of course.” Zayn complied, not phased by Louis's erratic behavior. Louis turned over, pressing his back against Zayn’s chest as arms were wrapped around him. They lay like that, for hours, until Louis was finally able to fall asleep moments after the sun began to rise.


	2. Bar Fights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's chapter 2... I am trying to signal the flashbacks with the * but please let me know if that's confusing!!
> 
> Also, just be patient :)

Louis woke up, alone in the bed. He groaned, stretching his whole body out. He looked at the clock, trying to read the blinking numbers. 1pm. Downstairs, he could hear muffled voices. It was probably Liam bringing over breakfast. He stood up, toppling loudly down the stairs. Liam sat on the couch, a sitcom playing loudly on the television. Liam turned to face him, a smile brightening his face.  
“Tommo!” He exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “You looked proper fucked.” He laughed heartily. Louis grumbled nothing in return and flopped down onto the couch, throwing his legs over Liam’s lap.  
“You’re such a joy to be around in the morning.” Liam continued, slapping Louis softly on his leg. Louis stuck his tongue out at Liam, turning his attention to the show playing.  
They spent the day like that, all lounging around in the living room. Zayn made them all coffees and breakfast, his face showing no signs of what had taken place earlier that morning.  
It was a couple hours later, as they were sitting around, all in their own little universes, that Liam decided to bring up the events of the night before.  
“Zayn didn’t really tell me what happened last night. Do you want to tell me?” He questioned, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity. Louis groaned, trying to hide behind his phone.  
“I went on a walk.”  
“Sounds like a pretty dramatic walk.” Liam pushed. Louis dropped his phone, his attention focusing on Liam.  
“Fine. I ended up outside Harry’s.” He said, giving in. Louis' eyes flickered to the window behind Liam's head. It was sunny now, the trees still slick with rain from this morning. Liam glanced in Zayn’s direction, obviously unsure of what to say.  
“Look. I know it’s been six months. I know that you guys have showed up every Saturday morning without fail and I know that you’re probably tired of it by now. I want you both to know that I appreciate it. I really do. I don't deserve it. I don’t deserve any of your kindness. It’s pathetic. I know it’s pathetic.” Zayn opened his mouth, trying to speak. “No. Listen.” Louis cut him off. “After last night, I am done. I am done lusting over a curly-haired freak that obviously doesn’t give a shit about me anymore. He left for a reason, and that reason is that he didn’t love me anymore.” Louis gulped, trying to keep his emotions at bay. “So, from now on, there will be no 4 am walks and drunken phone calls to Zayn. I promise. We are officially onto the moving on phase and leaving that… that fuck in the past. Okay? Okay.” Louis finished, getting up from the couch and pushing past a concerned Zayn and up the stairs.  
“Just give me a moment.” He snapped at Zayn who had attempted to follow him. Stomping into the bedroom, Louis sat down on the bed, head in his hands. 

*

“Louis I have a friend I want you to meet.” Zayn smiled, stepping to the side and revealing a tall, lanky boy with a mess of curls resting on his head. The boy shoved his hand forward, a twinkly smile playing on his face.  
“Hi.” The boy said, his voice deep and enchanting. “My name is Harry.” He added. Louis grabbed onto his hand. It was a lot and he means a lot bigger than his. He watched as his hand disappeared beneath Harry’s.  
“I’m Louis,” Louis told him in return. Harry’s eyes glimmered, still concentrating intently on Louis' face. Louis could feel a blush running up his neck and continuing to his cheeks. Dropping his hand down to his side, he looked away, embarrassed.  
“I think you two might have a lot in common,” Zayn said, amused. 

*

“Hey…” Louis’ head shot up. “I know you said to give you a moment but I…” Zayn stood in the doorway, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “I was worried.” Louis wrapped his arms around himself, silent. Zayn cocked his head to the side.  
“We should all go out tonight.” He suggested carefully. 

*

“You know…” Harry mumbled drunkenly. “When Zayn told me he had this cute friend that he wanted to introduce me to. I wasn’t hopeful.” He rested his elbows on the bar, his eyes glassy. Louis bowed his head, embarrassed for the hundredth time that night.  
“Why not?” He questioned. Harry smirked, his hair now hanging loosely around his face.  
“You’re just so...unexpected.” 

*

“Louis?” Zayn repeated, concern written all over his face. Louis looked up at him, unsure of how to respond. Going out could either go horribly wrong or start the long process of moving the fuck on.  
“Yeah. Okay. Let’s go out tonight.” Louis said, smiling faintly. The concern disappeared from Zayn’s face and he grinned.  
“Good. Good.”  
Some hours later and a stop at Louis’ flat to shower and get new clothes, they were on their way to the club. This was probably the third or fourth time that Louis had gone to the club since Harry had left and he was nervous. Louis used to live for the pounding music and sweaty strangers but now it just made his stomach churn. He pushed away the feelings of panic, managing to put on a brave face and stepped out of the car. It was a Saturday night and there were people spilling out onto the street, hands wrapped around frothy drinks and fake smiles plastered on lonely faces. Yeah...This sucked. The three boys pushed past the crowded entrance, making their way inside. The club was packed. People were crowded into booths and sharing barstools. Louis looked at Zayn with a sense of dread. Zayn took notice and reached for Louis’ hand. Louis let him. They found seats at the end of the bar, huddling together so as to not make awkward contact with drunk strangers. Liam ordered them all drinks, his charismatic smile making Louis feel at ease.  
“How are you feeling Louis?” He asked, obviously not picking up on Louis’ rigid body language. Zayn squeezed his hand softly. Their beers arrived and Louis was luckily able to avoid the question. They talked for a while about nothing and soon enough all of them were properly wasted. Zayn rested his head on his hand, watching Louis with puppy dog eyes. Louis giggled in response.  
“You guys are close. Too close.” Liam said in an accusatory voice. Louis glared at him and Zayn just laughed.  
“We’re best friends,” Zayn responded simply.  
“Yeah.” Liam scoffed. “Best friends.”  
Louis stayed silent, playing with his fingers anxiously again. Zayn took notice and jumped into action.  
“Should we play darts?” Zayn proposed, jumping up drunkenly from his stool. 

*

“I am unexpected?” Louis scoffed. Harry was close to him now if he leaned forward an inch they would touch noses.  
“You’re like...easy to talk to and unreasonably cute,” Harry explained, biting his lower lip in concentration. “Can I kiss you?” He added. Louis could feel an eruption of butterflies in his stomach. It physically hurt. He just nodded in response, too choked up to speak. Harry leaned forward, crashing his lips onto Louis’. They kissed for what seemed like forever, the bar disappearing. All Louis could hear was the sound of his own beating heart. 

*

“Yeah! Darts!” Liam agreed, jumping to his feet. Louis followed them in a haze, barely able to see his own two feet beneath him. He slumped down in a leather chair, mumbling something about how he would just watch for a round and ignoring the look that Zayn gave him. He was getting tired of how protective Zayn was acting. 

*

Louis was the first one to pull away from the kiss, his face flushed and well...another situation going on downstairs. He crossed his legs quickly, attempting to hide the problem. Either Harry noticed and didn’t want to make Louis more embarrassed than he already was or was too drunk to see straight. Ha.  
“That was...Sublime.” Harry shuddered, lifting his drink to his lips again. Louis had spent the last two hours talking, laughing, and kissing this stranger and he still wasn't used to how he talked. He chose each word with painful intention, his words drawn out in this way that made Louis cling to every possible syllable. Harry was striking in every way possible. 

*

Louis rose to his feet, suddenly needing to pee very very badly. He left without a word, rushing to the bathroom. He found it quickly. The bar had emptied suddenly within the last 30 minutes and now it was only slightly packed as hell. The bathroom was gross, which was to be expected. The floor had a thick film of grease, dirt, and god knows what else covering the white tiles. The walls were covered from top to bottom with graffiti and there weren't even any stalls. So much for privacy Louis thought. Louis staggered over to one of the urinals, leaning a hand against the wall to support himself. Everything was spinning. Even his dick was spinning.  
Five minutes later he found himself back at the dartboard. Unsure of how he got there, he decided he should probably head home before he spilled out his insides on the club floor. That's when someone bumped into him from behind, causing him to stumble into the bar, wood colliding with his hip. He swore in pain, clutching his stomach. Now, usually, he would have turned around, mumbled an apology and left. But this wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t done anything wrong and he was so, so tired of being pushed around and being treated like something other than a person. So, he turned around, puffed up his chest and glared at the man who had caused the commotion.  
“What the fuck was that for?” He slurred, unable to place the man's facial features. He was definitely going to throw up soon. The man laughed in his face which sent Louis over the edge. He could hear someone trying to stop him from behind but everything seemed to be going in slow motion as he raised his fist and connected it with the man's jaw.  
Everything seemed to go silent in the seconds after as Louis came to the realization about what he had done. Shit. He didn’t have time to react before there was a fist connecting with his eye and he fell to the ground. Shit, shit. He didn’t even try to get up as a foot jabbed him in the ribs, sending shooting pain throughout his whole body. A shout rang out throughout the whole bar and Louis looked up just in time to see Liam pushing the stranger off him, throwing punches left and right. He felt hands pulling him to his feet and recognized them to be Zayn’s.  
“Let’s go,” Zayn told him, his voice panicked. “Liam!” Zayn shouted, trying to grab his attention. Louis let Zayn pull him out of the bar and into the street. It was raining again. Why was it always fucking raining? He felt the raindrops hit his face and he hissed and brought a hand to his eye. It stung really fucking bad. He pulled his fingers away only to see that, great, he was bleeding. Liam sprung through the front doors, barely touched, and they stuffed themselves in the nearest cab shouting at the driver to start the car. He did and they arrived, silently and mostly safe, back at Zayn’s. 

*

“I wanna see you again.” Harry said. They were standing outside the pub, everyone saying their goodbyes. Louis looked up at the other boy through his eyelashes.  
“Me too.” He agreed.  
“Can I get your number?” Harry asked, his phone placed in his outstretched hand. Louis took it from him silently, typing his number in and adding himself as a contact.  
“Call me,” Louis said cheekily, handing Harry back his phone. Harry nodded in confirmation as Louis turned away to follow Zayn back to his car, leaving Harry standing there in the darkness. 

*

They all climbed clumsily out of the cab, Liam throwing the driver a twenty before shutting the car door loudly. Nobody uttered a word until they were inside Zayn’s house, sitting in the living room. Zayn rushed to the kitchen to get ice, wrapping it in a washcloth and basically throwing it at Louis. Yup, everyone was mad at him again. He could feel it.  
“What happened?” Liam asked, his face barely showing any sign of any emotion. Louis closed his eyes. His head was pounding.  
“I don’t know…” He mumbled.  
“You can’t just keep saying ‘I don't know’ as an excuse for everything,” Zayn said, his voice on edge. Louis flinched at the rough words, knowing they were true.  
“I know.” Louis breathed. “I got mad. Like, I got mad for feeling so weak. I really want to move on. I mean what I said this morning. I just want to be better and it’s so frustrating that it’s taken me this long to even realize that.” There were tears streaming down his face at this point, but he didn’t wipe them away. It felt good to just cry.  
“Oh Lou…” Liam said, his voice quiet. He sat down next to his friend, wrapping his arm around him. “We’re always here for you.” He added, pulling him in close. Zayn sat down on Louis’ other side, his hand landing on the top of Louis’ messy hair.  
“Always.” Zayn confirmed.


	3. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kinda gotten way too into writing Zouis so idk what's going on with that but... I love these buddies and writing this is making me so happy so I hope you're enjoying :) 
> 
> I feel like Liam's character isn't as developed as it could be and I want him to be more complex so if you have any ideas about that let me know!!

The next morning, Louis woke up to coffee and breakfast in bed. After his little cry sesh they had watched the first Harry Potter movie and then passed out in Zayn’s bed, a tangle of sweaty, drunk, bodies. Louis always had a soft spot for Sunday mornings. They were dedicated to sleeping in, movie marathons, and spontaneous naps. It was the only day that he didn’t feel guilty for not doing anything. His eyes fluttered open to a Zayn with messy hair, his tired eyes watching him with fascination. Louis rolled over, groaning. 

“Whaaaat?” Louis whined. His body hit something hard and he realized that Liam was still asleep next to him. His mouth formed an O in surprise and he looked back at Zayn. There were two cups of coffee in his hands, an expectant look on his face. 

“I made you coffee.” Zayn told him, biting his lip in hesitation. Louis sat up in bed grabbing the cup from him and taking a sip. Yum. Zayn knew how to make a good coffee. 

“Thank you, Zayn.” Louis spoke, drawing out the “n” in Zayn. He patted the spot next to him on the bed and Zayn jumped in, cuddling his cuppa close. “And thank you for last night too. It means a lot that you both understood.” This whole sharing his feelings thing was relatively new to him but he was starting to see why people did it. 

“Of course. You’re my best friend.” Zayn reached forward, touching Louis’ eye softly. “Your eye isn’t looking too good though.” Louis hissed in pain, flinching away. Zayn smiled faintly, his eyes watching Louis carefully. Louis pulled his eyes away, not knowing exactly what to say. He knew what he was doing. He knew that he was probably leading Zayn on in some sort of way. But it wasn’t all fake. He cared for the boy more than probably anyone else in the world. And if things were different…

“Zayn…” Louis started, Zayn watching him, an exuberant look on his tired face. Before Louis was able to continue, Liam shot up from his spot on the bed, his eyes clouded with sleep, his hair a disaster. Louis chuckled tenderly at the half asleep boy. He was good at interrupting uncomfortable conversations. 

“You look just dashing this morning Liam.” Louis said, voice filled with sass. Liam made a face in return. 

“Zayn, did you make me coffee?” Liam questioned, already knowing the answer. 

Four hours later, Louis was back home. Zayn had offered to drop him off and now they were standing awkwardly in his living room. Zayn stared a hole in the floor, obviously avoiding something. 

“I need to tell you something.” He started. “I just heard...The other day... I mean you know that sometimes Harry and I talk because we’re friends. Obviously not as good as friends as you and me but…” Zayn looks like he's about to puke from discomfort. “He told me he’s seeing someone. Like...A girl I think. No, I know. He’s seeing a girl and her name is Camille. She’s french. They’re living together.” Louis didn’t know how to react, or how Zayn wanted him to react. He just sat there. 

And then it started to rain again. 

“Okay.” Louis responded slowly. He looked around the room, eyes darting everywhere to avoid Zayn’s weary gaze. “That’s to be expected I guess. I mean, he left me so obviously had a head start on the whole moving on thing.” 

“You're taking this surprisingly well.” Zayn said cautiously. The truth was, Louis was not taking the well. He was not doing well at all. He could feel every hair on his arm and every blood vessel in his body. He could feel everything and it was too, too much. But he needed to show Zayn that he was okay so that he would leave his flat and Louis could get drunk and cry for the next couple days. That would surely start the healing process. 

“It’s to be expected.” He repeated. 

*

Louis and Harry had made pasta three dinners in a row now. It was the only food they knew how to make besides eggs and grilled cheese. They might have been in their twenties but that definitely didn’t mean they acted like adults. 

“Louissss.” Harry hissed, dancing around the kitchen like an idiot. Louis watched him in fascination, leaning against the counter. It was all he could do, really, watch in awe. That was just who Harry was. This firework of a human being. 

“Hazza…” Louis turned away from the ballerina prancing about in his kitchen, checking on the pasta water, which was just coming to a boil. He dumped the noodles in, turning down the heat slightly. 

“Dance with me Louis.” Harry cooed, bowing down like a prince in one of those Disney movies. Louis couldn’t help but giggle. 

“Of course my Prince.” 

*

“I just need to shower and get into clean clothes. I have to work tomorrow. I need to sleep.” Louis rushed, his hands were getting sweaty and he wiped them on the old shorts Zayn had loaned him. 

“Okay.” Zayn said, visibly defeated. “I’ll talk to you later?” Louis gave him a curt nod in return, disappearing into his bedroom. He waited until he heard the front door shut and then let out a shuddering breath. Everything around him was collapsing. He slid down his wall, arms wrapped around his torso. He wasn’t doing so good at moving on. 

*

Harry placed one hand delicately on Louis’ hip and the other one on his shoulder, leading him spinning around the room. Louis leaned his head back and cackled, happy as could be. 

*

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Everything hurt. He picked himself off the ground, knowing if he didn’t he would be there for hours. He stripped himself of Zayn’s clothes, throwing them to the ground. He stood there, looking at them with disgust. They represented all that he despised about himself. 

In the shower, he let himself cry again. Wincing as the water hit his eye. 

*

“You’re everything.” Louis whispered into Harry’s neck. “Everything.” He could feel Harry smile against him. His heart fluttered in his chest. “I love you.” Louis whispered gently. Harry pulled away from him slightly, a look of admiration in his eyes. “I have fallen so profoundly in love with you Harry Styles.” Louis told him. This was something different. This was something big. Louis knew that from this moment on, he would never feel anything like this again. 

*

Louis stepped out of the shower, wiping away the steam from the mirror. Looking at himself for the first time since last night and yeah...He looked awful. Hideous, really. His left eye was almost swollen shut, a cut running down his cheek bone. The remainder of his eye and upper cheek was a mirage of purple, blue, and green. It would be kind of beautiful if it didn’t hurt so fucking bad. Louis dried himself off, humming some old Green Day song he didn’t remember the name of and pulled on a pair of grey sweat shorts. Springing into bed, he distracted himself with pretty thoughts. Like, Zayn waking him up with a cup of hot coffee. Or the way Zayn grabbed his hand and led him through the club last night and how he looked at him like he really needed him. Louis realized that it wasnt Zayn that he wanted as much as he just wanted someone to love him again. His body ached for it. 

Louis let himself drift off to sleep, not able to shed any more tears. 

*

“I love you too,” Harry told him, resting his forehead against Louis’. 

*

When he woke up, it was dark outside. It brought him back to his childhood, when he would wake up and realize that he had slept through dinner. He remembered the sinking feeling in his stomach knowing that no one had remembered to wake him up. But now, someone was knocking very loudly and persistently on his door. Rolling out of bed, he pattered over to the front door, swinging it open with annoyance. Zayn. Louis opened his mouth to say hi but before he could let out a sound, Zayn pushed past him and stormed into the kitchen. 

“We need to talk.” Zayn said, crossing his arms. Louis closed the door gently, his heart pounding. Fuck.

“Okay…” Louis let out sheepishly. 

“Why do you keep kissing me and why do you keep letting me hold your hand?” Zayn slurred, obviously drunk. 

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, not making eye contact. He could feel Zayn’s eyes on him, the room unbearably tense. 

“You know what I mean. Stop playing dumb.” Zayn’s voice rose and yup, he was very drunk. Louis let out a sigh of submission.

“I’m sorry.” Louis said, finally raising his eyes to meet Zayn’s. They were bloodshot, angry, hurt, and everything in between. “I took it too far. I’m sorry.” Zayn looked away, his hands becoming fists at his side. 

“You hurt me.” Zayn’s voice grew quieter, more withdrawn. Then, he paused. “God, I am being so selfish right now. You’re hurting too. We’re both just hurting and you need me right now. I’m sorry Lou. Just forget I said anything. I drank too much I think and...Please forgive me Lou.” Zayn spit out the words one by one, each becoming more frantic than the last. He closed the space between them, holding his hands up to frame Louis’ face. His eyes searched Louis’ desperately. Louis felt like shit. He knew that he had made Zayn this way. He had turned him into this frail shell of a human. Louis leaned his forehead against Zayn’s, trying not to think of the many times he used to do this with Harry.

“No...You’re right. I just felt safe with you and needed someone. I got lost in it.” Louis murmed. He could feel Zayn relax a little. 

Zayn pulled away, wiping away the tears from his face. “So I got this wedding I’m supposed to go to next weekend. Would you wanna go with me? As mates.” He clarified, his face not quite back to its normal state. 

“Of course. Yeah.” Louis tilted his head to the side, unsure of what to do next. Were they back to normal now? “How did you get here?” He asked, hoping that Zayn hadn’t driven drunk. 

“Cab.” 

“You can sleep here if you want. With me or on the couch.” Louis hoped that Zayn would put all the weirdness behind them and just sleep next to him tonight. He didn’t want to be alone. 

“I’ll take the couch, thanks.” Zayn said curtly, Louis’ heart sinking in his chest. So, no, they weren’t back to normal.


	4. The Irish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii this is a pretty short chapter compared to the others but I hope you enjoy it. It's a little lighter than the rest.

Louis was out the door and heading to work before Zayn woke up. It was cold out again and the wind bit at his ears as he hailed a cab. Louis liked his job. It was probably the only thing that he liked about his life right now. He got to write all day and mess around with his coworkers. The cab pulled in front of the slender building and he pulled his coat around him as he stepped back out into the frosty air.

Inside, everyone was busy at work. He could hear the faint sound of typing and coffee being sipped through pursed lips. The room had the typical setup, all desks crammed together in the middle of the room, a maze of chairs and busybodies. Louis smiled at his coworkers as he passed them, making his way to his desk. He wasn’t close with many of them, but they were all nice and he had decided he needed some new friends. He was situated next to the blondest and loudest person he had ever met. His name was Niall and he was very very Irish. That was probably his defining personality trait. Currently, they were working on an article about the rise of “modern” coffee shops in London. 

“Yo, Tommo!” Niall leaned on Louis’ desk, a grin permanently tattooed onto his face. What a fucking ray of sunshine this boy was. 

“Hello,” Louis responded, turning on his computer. 

“You wanna go out and try some coffee?” Niall suggested, his voice louder than anything else in the office. Louis thought that maybe they could be friends. 

“Yeah, okay.” Louis shrugged, standing up and putting his jacket back on. “You have the list?” He asked. Niall nodded grin and all. 

Yeah, Louis was going to make this loud Irish boy be his friend.

The first coffee shop they went to looked like it was still in the early stages of being designed. Niall reassured Louis that that was actually on purpose which Louis did not understand at all. There were a total of four tables, each with two chairs that according to Niall were “Chic.” Louis watched with an amused look on his face as Niall looked around excitedly, scribbling down notes in an actual notebook. Louis took out his phone, writing down a description of the Turmeric Lattes and mini quiches. It was while Louis was making fun of Niall internally for being a cliche and carrying around a notebook that he noticed how good Niall was actually dressed. He wore a mint green button-down, white slacks, and green and white Nike sneakers.

“You dress good Nialler,” Louis mumbled, hoping that the boy wouldn’t overreact.

“Louis! You’re just the sweetest mate, really. Thank you.” Niall shouted, looking up from his notes. Louis bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

“I could actually use your help with something,” Louis said. Niall looked at him, eyes wide with genuine anticipation. “I am supposed to go to this wedding next weekend and I don’t have anything to wear. I could use your help.” Louis felt almost sick asking this thunderous boy he barely knew for fashion advice but he really really needed it and also, sadly, he liked him.

“I would love to help you, Louis!” It was getting annoying that Niall added his name to the end of every sentence. “We can go to the shops after work and pick you out something nice.” He added, sending Louis a cheeky wink. 

They visited five other coffee shops and by the end of the day, Louis was shaking from caffeine. Which of course, Niall made fun of him for as they walked towards Niall’s favorite suit shop. Louis’ mind was racing, the coffee had obviously infected his brain because he was singing along (out loud) to some early 2000’s song Niall had just randomly belted out and he was happy as they skipped through the crowded streets, unaware of the attention they were gathering. 

The shop was cute, a mixture of light greens, blues, pinks. Suits of all colors covered the walls, a variety of men browsing the racks, all dressed to the nines. Louis was way out of his depth. A man with silver hair approached them, obviously recognizing Niall. 

“Hello!” He spoke cheerily. “How’re you doing Niall? I see you’ve brought a friend with you this time. That’s great. I’m Atticus.” The man said through pearly white teeth. Louis shook his hand, throwing back a less genuine smile. 

“I am Louis, nice to meet you.”

Thirty minutes later, Louis was standing in front of a mirror in a bright pink suit, unsure of how he even got here. He looked at Niall, annoyed. 

“I am not going to wear this.” He said, on the verge of being disgusted. 

“Fine, fine. Maybe this one is too much.” Niall admitted, sipping on his fourth flute of champagne. His face was already flushed. 

“You think?” Louis groaned. 

The next suit, a dark green one, was actually flattering. He didn’t want to admit it to Niall, who was asking for another glass, but he had done well. 

“I think that’s the one Lou. You look great!” He enthused. Louis rolled his eyes, walking away from the mirror and grabbing his first and only half-finished glass of champagne. 

“You’re pissed Niall,” Louis said, trying not to laugh at the clumsy blonde boy. 

“Am not. I am Irish. I can hold my alcohol.” Niall leaned back in his chair, not noticing the bit of drink that spilled onto the floor. 

“I like it though,” Louis admitted, glancing back at the mirror. It made his ass look great.   
“This is the one.”


	5. Here Come The Brides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I am back to updating...I hope everyone is doing okay and is staying healthy. 
> 
> If you're out protesting I want to express my admiration, I have been out twice and it is such a powerful experience. 
> 
> All the love.

Even Louis could admit that he looked fucking good. Like if he was bendy enough he would suck his own dick, good. He was wearing the suit that Niall picked out for him, the green complimenting his tan skin and making his eyes pop. Under the jacket, he wore a black button-up. He left the top buttons down, showing a little bit of skin. He did love being a tease. It was 4 pm, Zayn would be here any minute. He always got a bit nervous before events like these, especially considering the fact that he didn’t even know the couple getting married. Zayn had only told him that their names were Eleanor and Kendall and that he knew Eleanor from work. The doorbell rang and Louis’ stomach twisted. Things were still slightly weird with Zayn and he hadn’t seen him since he had fallen asleep on his couch. 

“Zayn.” Louis greeted him, forcing a somewhat sincere smile upon his face. Zayn smiled right back and Louis truly believed it. 

“My beautiful Louis,” Zayn responded. At those words, the feeling of dread escaped Louis’ body and he relaxed. His Zayn was back. Zayn was wearing a blood-red suit and he looked both appropriately dangerous and sexy. 

“Together we look like Christmas,” Louis noted, letting out a subtle chuckle. Zayn grinned, his eyes showing intense excitement. 

“We really do,” Zayn exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “You ready?” He questioned, gesturing to the outside. Louis gave him a quick nod, grabbing his phone and his keys and shutting the door behind him. The cab ride to the venue was long but eventful. He lounged in the back with Zayn, taking swigs from a golden flask Zayn had hidden in his jacket pocket. It was just like old times. 

The venue was stunning. It was inside, as this time of year all it did was rain. Lights framed the walls, beautiful round tables spread across the floor, and everything was trimmed with a sparkling bronze. Louis loved beautiful things and here, he felt right at home. Zayn placed a hand on Louis’ lower back and Louis shoved the warning signs out of his mind. Tonight, he was going to have fun. 

“Let me introduce you to some people,” Zayn whispered into his ear, eyes already twinkling with the effects of booze. Louis let Zayn lead him over to a group of people. They were all lawyers and had a sense about them like they knew the secrets of the universe...or at least London. Louis took a liking to one certain lawyer. He had golden hair and beautiful hazel eyes. He was dressed simply, a white button-down tucked into dark blue trousers. Louis wanted to eat him up honestly. 

“I’m Louis.” He introduced himself. 

“James.” The handsome stranger responded, his face shaded with delight. 

They talked until it was time to sit and the ceremony was about to start, Louis sandwiched in between James and Zayn, who kept glancing over with weary eyes, pretending not to listen in on their conversation. 

The ceremony lasted a little over an hour, and almost brought tears to Louis’ eyes. At one point he looked over at Zayn who was quietly sobbing into his shirt. He patted him quickly on the back, giving him a look of sympathy. Afterward, they were all ushered back into the main room, food being served on golden platters. Smells of rich spices and wine floated through the air, sending Louis into a feeling of euphoria. He leaned back in his chair, only half-listening to Zayn telling some joke to the rest of the people sitting at their table. James was sat a couple of tables over, talking to some man with curly brown hair. Louis tried not to stare, not wanting to scare him off. He needed someone to go home with at the end of the night. The man James was talking to laughed loudly, his head tilting back and oh-

Oh.

Louis knew that laugh. And he knew that tilt. He knew those fucking curls and he knew those fingers that wrapped themselves around a wine glass. He watched his potential fuck swap jokes with his ex fucking boyfriend. 

Harry Styles. 

He was in the same room as Harry Styles for the first time in 6 months and his throat closed up. His mouth was dry and he grabbed onto his water glass like it was his lifeline and brought it to his lips. Louis was shaking, every part of his body filled with adrenaline. 

“Zayn.” He choked out, eyes fogging over with panic. Zayn turned to look at him, face filled with confusion.

“Harry is here.” Louis whimpered, raising his finger to point in the boy's general direction. Zayn’s eyes widened. 

“Oh fuck. I didn’t know. I heard that he knew Kendall but I didn’t think they were close. I am so sorry Louis. We can leave if you want.” Louis shook his head, slamming his glass down on the table. A song was playing loudly over the speakers and he could see people getting up to dance. 

“Dance with me Zayn,” Louis exclaimed, standing up clumsily from his chair and almost knocking it over. He was finding it hard to keep control of his limbs. He found a shot sitting lonely on the table and guzzled it down. He felt the need to be reckless. Louis grabbed Zayn’s hand, leading him over to the dance floor. He didn’t dare look in Harry’s direction, not wanting to be seen just yet. Forcing themselves to the middle, Louis grabbed onto Zayn’s hips, swaying slightly to the music. Louis refused to look into Zayn’s eyes, already knowing the emotion that hid behind them. After a few moments, he let himself glance over at the direction of James and Harry. James was watching him, probably perplexed and a little bit annoyed. And then Louis’ eyes landed on Harry.

Everything slowed down. The music seemingly stopped and Louis was standing alone, in the middle of the dance floor and Harry was looking at him. Louis couldn’t quite describe the way Harry was eyeing him. It was a look he hadn’t seen from him before and he didn’t look long enough to figure it out. He forced himself to look away, the music returning and his hands still gripping tightly onto Zayn’s sides. Louis stepped closer to Zayn, wanting to feel the warmth of someone, something. He wrapped his arms around Zayn’s neck, burying himself in the taller boy. 

“He saw me,” Louis mumbled into Zayn’s shoulder. He could feel Zayn take a deep breath, his arms wrapped around Louis’ waist. They were pressed together, swinging to the beat delicately. 

“Of course he did Lou. It’s impossible not to see you.” Zayn responded, chest rumbling with the heavy words. Louis said nothing in response and they danced like that until the song ended and someone clinked their glass to start a toast. Louis’ face was red when Zayn pulled away, heart beating furiously in his chest. Zayn kept a hand wrapped around Louis’ bicep, squeezing in reassurance. 

An older woman, probably an aunt, stood up and started talking about how much she just adored Kendall. It would have been nice and maybe on some other night Louis would have even shed a tear at the kind words but his head was filled with Harry Harry Harry and he was using every muscle in his body to stop himself from looking at the boy, who was staring at him. He was staring at him as he had Zayn attached to his hip. This was not how Louis had imagined seeing Harry for the first time. He knew that it was bound to happen at some point, that they would have to talk as if they hadn’t loved each other with every bone in their bodies. Like they hadn’t spent years, breathing each other in and out. 

The speeches ended and people returned to the dance floor, a high-intensity beat playing through the speakers. Louis couldn’t do this anymore. He had to say something to Harry. 

“I’m gonna go say hi,” Louis told Zayn, swaying on his feet slightly. 

“Are you sure? You’re kinda wasted.” Zayn whispered, holding onto Louis, probably worried he would tip over.

“I need to show him I don’t care anymore.” Louis fired back. Zayn just nodded, letting go. 

“I'll come with you.” Zayn smiled sadly. They pushed their way back off the dance floor. Harry was still sitting there, saying something to a redhead beside him. She laughed loudly, too loudly, and took sips of a girly drink. Louis cringed. James was still sitting at the table too but was staring at something intensely on his phone. Without thinking, Louis reached for Zayn’s hand, needing some sense of comfort. Zayn took it without hesitation and they walked towards the table together. Harry didn’t notice them until they were both standing over him. Louis cleared his throat awkwardly, unsure of how else to get his attention. 

“Hey,” Louis said, speaking clumsily. He could feel Zayn standing beside him as he forced himself to make eye contact with Harry. 

“Hey…” Harry responded, drawing out the word awkwardly. 

“I just thought I would say hello. I didn’t know you would be here.” Louis said. Harry’s eyes traveled down Louis’ arm to where his fingers were interlaced with Zayn’s. A flicker of confusion clouded his face before he spoke. 

“Of course, yeah. I know Kendall. She’s a work friend.” 

“Ah, I see,” Louis said. “It was good to see you Harry and I am glad you’re doing so well.” He finished, beginning to turn around before being interrupted by Harry grabbing his free hand. He dropped it when he realized the implication and cleared his throat, embarrassed. 

“We should all have a drink,” Harry suggested. Louis looked to Zayn nervously, who shrugged in response. 

“Okay,” Louis said. He wanted to prove himself, show Zayn as well as Harry that he was okay and he could do things like this and not break down. 

“Great.” Harry grinned, gesturing towards the empty seats on the other side of the table. He flagged a waiter down, “I’ll have another of this wine and they’ll…” He looked over at Louis and Zayn. 

“Gin and tonic for me,” Louis said.

“Whatever beer you have on tap.” Zayn smiled. He was still holding tightly onto Louis’ hand. 

Three drinks later and they were laughing like old friends. James had tried to involve himself in the conversation multiple times, shooting Louis “fuck me” eyes but was shot down by Harry’s booming laugh and Zayn’s spewing of inside jokes. Everything was actually okay. Louis just couldn’t think about what was actually going on. He was chatting with his ex who had a girlfriend that he lived with. He didn’t think of any of those things once as he gulped down his third gin and tonic and laughed without hesitation.

It was 12 am when they realized most people had started to leave. They were all completely drunk and spread out haphazardly around the table. Harry’s hair stuck to his forehead, his eyes glazed over and mostly closed. Zayn had his feet up on the table, obviously not concerned about manners or the dirty looks that were thrown his way by the workers. Louis’ eyes flickered between the two boys, a million thoughts running through his head. He liked life like this, simple, easy, filled with laughter, and the absence of regrets. 

“We should probably leave.” Zayn slurred, his head hanging off to the side as if he just couldn’t hold it up. Louis looked fondly at his best friend. 

“Yeah, probably.” Louis smiled. 

“So, where’re we going?” Harry grinned at the boys, his hands splayed out dramatically. Zayn glanced at Louis, the first sign of hesitation crossing his face. Louis opened his mouth and then closed it, considering his options. 

“We could go to mine.” Zayn offered before Louis could make an excuse. Louis just nodded, forcing a smile on his face. 

“Okay,” Harry said, not noticing the pause on either of their faces. “Sounds good to me!” Louis watched him stand up from his seat, his black trousers clinging to his thighs. Louis looked away quickly, hoping not to get caught. 

Five minutes later they were all spilling into a cab, limbs catching on limbs. No one sat in the front. Instead, they squeezed into the back, their shoulders pressed together tightly. Louis tried not to think about the way Harry’s leg was pressed against his, the heat from his skin radiating through the fabric of his pants. Louis spent the whole cab ride trying not to throw up all over the leather seats. He didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or Harry or both but things had quickly turned from simple and easy to hard and complicated. Harry had a girlfriend and the girlfriend lived with him. She slept in his bed and probably made him coffee in the morning. All the things they did together now, Louis and Harry had once done too. 

As soon as Zayn opened the door, Louis collapsed onto the couch. Harry sat down on the chair opposite him, head in his hands. 

“You look beautiful,” Harry said. The words were so soft Louis wasn't sure if he had imagined them. The room spun as he looked at the other boy. He barely recognized him. This boy was different. He was new. His hair was shorter and his eyes greener. He didn’t know if he liked this new Harry, getting drunk at weddings Harry. 

“What?” Louis said under his breath. Harry laughed. A crazy, guttural laugh that Louis had never heard or expected to come out of his mouth. Who was this boy?

And then everything after that was radio silence.


	6. Brunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy interaction!! We love to see it :)

Louis woke up on the bathroom floor, a towel covering his half-naked body. The sun filtered in through the small window, blaring directly into his eyes. He grimaced, attempting to sit up before a sharp pain radiated through his head. Memories of the night before came rushing back, flashes of Harry’s smile, and the cab ride home. He groaned, stretching his legs and arms out. Gripping onto the side of the sink, he lifted himself up, making sure not to look at the surely horrible sight in the mirror. He didn’t remember how he got to the bathroom or when he was stripped to only his briefs. He pressed his ear against the door, listening for any voices. Hearing nothing, he pushed open the door. Everything was completely silent, the lights all turned off and the blinds closed. It almost seemed like the middle of the night but the clock on the wall told him it was 8 am. He walked slowly down the stairs, not wanting to wake up Zayn. When he reached the bottom step, he saw a light on in the living room. Someone was sitting in the chair, facing the wall. 

“Zayn?” Louis questioned, moving towards the figure slowly. The figure turned around, his face illuminated by the lamp. 

“Uh Hey,” Harry answered. His face was different than last night, it almost looked like he was in pain. 

“Sorry, I thought you were Zayn.” Louis stumbled into the kitchen, desperately needing a glass of water. 

“That’s okay,” Harry said, not moving from his seat. Louis leaned against the counter as he sipped on the water, savoring the chill it sent down his throat. 

“Your head hurt as bad as mine?” Louis asked, trying to lighten the mood. He didn’t like the tension in the air. 

“Yeah,” Harry said, letting out a harsh breath. “Like a motherfucker.” He added. So, the new Harry swore with ease, like it just rolled off his tongue without thought. Louis nodded, finishing his glass of water.

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” He asked after a few moments, grabbing the pot and filling it up with water. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Harry nodded. Louis heard movement behind him and then Harry’s voice was suddenly closer. “You went hard last night.” 

“Did I?” Louis laughed, not wanting to turn around and face Harry.

“Yeah. Do you remember what happened after we came back?” Louis turned around, looking at Harry in the eye. He looked exhausted. 

“Only a little. Don’t remember how I ended up in the bathroom, though.” Louis told him, slightly embarrassed. 

“You said you were going to throw up and rushed to the bathroom. Zayn said you fell asleep in there after a while.” He explained, rubbing his eyes.

“Did you even go to bed?” 

“No,” Harry admitted. The coffee pot beeped, alerting that it was ready. Louis pulled out two mugs for them, pouring the coffee in. 

“Milk?” Louis asked. 

“No thanks,” Harry told him. That was also different. The Harry that he knew liked caramel lattes or iced matcha. He wasn’t a black coffee drinker. Louis didn't say anything, handing Harry the mug. “Thank you,” Harry said. Louis hummed in response. They stood in silence for a few moments, not making eye contact. The tension was still there, hanging in the air. It was thick, threatening, and deadly silent. 

“So what did you do?” Louis asked after a while, “Ya know if you didn’t go to sleep.”

“Read, looked at my phone, thought about things.” 

“What things?” Louis asked, trying to hide the desperation in his voice.

*

“You look beautiful.”

*

“Just...Things.” Harry said, something behind his voice Louis couldn’t quite detect. Louis’ head was beginning to clear from the effects of the coffee and he realized what this looked like from the outside. Louis was standing in the kitchen, in his briefs, with his ex-boyfriend. He tried not to think too hard about how Harry hadn’t said anything about his clothing choices. 

“I know about the girl,” Louis admitted. 

“The girl?” Harry raised his eyebrows, faking confusion. 

“The one you live with,” Louis said, exasperated. 

“Right.” Harry gave him a curt nod, not adding anything else. 

“So were you thinking about her? Why didn’t she go with you to the wedding?” Louis watched the look on Harry’s face change to annoyance. 

“She’s out of town.”

“Oh.” 

*

“You look beautiful.”

*

“Are you and Zayn…?” Louis looked up in surprise. Did Harry actually care?

“I don't know,” Louis answered honestly. “Sometimes.” Harry laughed. 

“Typical.” Louis’ body tensed. He set down his empty mug, crossing his arms against his naked chest. 

“What do you mean, typical?” Louis said, bitterly. Harry’s face was hard, impenetrable. If this was a year ago he would’ve reached out, pulled him in for a hug and all would have been forgiven. 

“You know what I mean.” He said, eyes cold. Louis was about to respond when Zayn ran into the kitchen, oblivious to the prior conversation. 

“Hey, guys! Good morning. Do you wanna go out for breakfast?” He suggested, making a weird face at Louis when he saw he was basically naked. Louis covered himself self consciously. 

“Yeah. Sure.” Harry said, surprising Louis for the tenth time in the past 36 hours. 

“Okay,” Louis added. “But do you have any clothes I could wear?” 

An hour later and they’re sitting down at some fancy brunch place that Harry recommended. Before, Harry was not a brunch person. He was more of a dinner at 2 in the morning sitting in bed watching Netflix kind of person. And Louis loved that person. Louis watched as Harry played with his fork, eyes cast down. There were times in life where Louis felt like he could just feel everything. Like everything in the room was connected and the weight was pressing down on him. Life was overwhelming, too much, and not at all fucking simple. But he didn’t want to not watch Harry’s fingers play with his fork. He wanted to watch his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks and he wanted to find out all the new. Just because Harry was this new person didn’t mean that Louis wasn’t interested in meeting him all over again. 

The waiter came over, jotting down their orders in a black notebook. Zayn ordered pancakes (such a baby), Harry ordered another cup of coffee and a breakfast burrito, and Louis ordered eggs benedict. They chatted lightly until their food came, the tension that had disappeared last night slowly sneaking back up on them. Louis’s mind kept going back to the conversation in the kitchen this morning, how Harry had looked at him. Harry wasn’t looking at him now. Throughout the whole conversation, Harry kept his eyes focused on Zayn or his food or his coffee, never once glancing at Louis. It hurt. It hurt going from Harry calling him beautiful to this. It was like his heart was breaking all over again. 

“I am going to the bathroom,” Louis said suddenly, getting up from his seat. He rushed to the bathroom, trying not to cry. When he got there he checked under the stalls, making sure he was alone. Louis looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes were glassy. He didn’t recognize this person in the mirror. A tear dropped from his eye and he watched it fall down his cheek before he wiped it away. He jumped as the bathroom door opened.

“Hey,” Harry said softly, leaning against the door. Louis didn’t look at him, eyes focused on the sink. “You okay?” Harry asked him. 

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Louis scoffed, voice filled with attitude. He was done trying to prove that this didn’t affect him. Harry sighed. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Louis questioned, eyes raising to look at Harry’s reflection in the mirror. Harry looked almost as sad as Louis felt, and that calmed him slightly. 

“I don’t know why I am being a dick to you. I should be past everything. I thought I was. I guess I’m still angry. I don’t want it to be like this.” Harry gushed, playing with his fingers. 

“Then why is it still like this?” Louis asked. 

“We loved each other, it’s hard to let go of that.” Harry wasn’t looking at him in the mirror anymore, he was closing himself off again. 

“Yeah.” 

“I want us to be friends.” Harry stepped forward as Louis turned around to face him. 

“Do you?” Louis breathed. 

“My girlfriend, Camille, I do love her.” Louis’ heart dropped. Camille. She sounded pretty and soft. Like she gave him back rubs and wore flowy dresses. 

“Okay,” Louis responded. 

“You need to know that.” Harry stepped forward again. 

“Okay,” Louis repeated. 

“Do you think we can be friends, Lou?” They were feet away now, and Louis was beyond confused. Harry’s actions and words were not giving off the same energy. 

“Sure. Don’t see why not.” Louis shrugged, keeping his face calm and controlled. They stood there in silence for a couple of moments. Louis tried not to show how out of control he felt. He kept his shoulders strong and guarded. If Harry wanted to play this game, Louis was going to make sure he won. “We should get back to Zayn, don’t want him getting all jealous and lonely out there,” Louis said, his voice unwavering. Harry smiled, eyes glimmering. 

“Yeah,” Harry whispered. Louis nodded curtly, pushing passed Harry and exiting the bathroom, leaving Harry stunned behind him. 

Back at the table, Zayn was sitting down alone, eyes glued to his phone. When Louis sat down next to him he glanced up, eyes searching Louis’ face for signs of sadness. 

“Okay?” Zayn asked, concerned. 

“Okay,” Louis responded, giving him a small smile of reassurance. 

Harry joined them a minute later, eyes fixed on Louis. Louis didn’t return the eye contact and focused on paying his bill instead. They stood outside the restaurant, unspoken goodbyes ghosting their lips. 

“That was fun,” Harry said first, hands shoved deep into pockets. 

“Yeah. It was.” Louis agreed, allowing himself to smile briefly. 

“Let’s do it again sometime,” Zayn interjected, eyes calm and focused on Louis. Out of the corner of his eye, Louis could see Harry’s smile quiver. Jealousy again? 

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry mumbled. “Well, I gotta go. See you both around.” He added, energy gone from his shoulders. Louis watched as Harry walked away from them, heart aching. Once Harry disappeared from sight, Zayn turned to him. 

“So, be honest. What happened?” Zayn asked, eyebrows raised in confrontation. Louis decided he had two options, he could either tell Zayn everything or play it cool. 

“Nothing, really. We’re going to be friends I think.” Louis answered, deciding playing it cool was the best route. 

“Right.” Zayn scoffed. “Like that isn’t a recipe for disaster.” Louis rolled his eyes at his friend’s comment. “You know you were crying over him like days ago right?” 

“I don’t remember that.” Louis joked. 

“Right, of course, you don’t,” Zayn said, attempting to hide a smile. 

“It’s going to be fine Zayn, just trust me.” Louis leaned against the outside of the restaurant, watching people walk by on the sidewalk. 

“I guess I’ll just be there when you end up crying again,” Zayn said. Louis tried not to let the words hurt him. He didn’t want to be a burden, especially not to Zayn. 

“Crying is normal and healthy.” Louis snapped back. 

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Zayn stood in front of him, pity rooted deep into his features. Louis looked away, eyes focusing on a bright orange car across the street. 

“Just let me handle this,” Louis responded, his voice coming seemingly from somewhere far away. 

“I don’t really have any other choice, do I?” Zayn admitted. 

“You don’t,” Louis said simply, eyes coming back to look at Zayn. There was defeat evident on his face. 

“You gonna go home?” Zayn asked, changing the subject. Louis nodded. 

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay. Text me later?” Zayn began to walk away. Louis hummed softly. Before he walked much further, Zayn turned around quickly. Louis was still leaning against the wall. “You know I’ll always be there for you, yeah? Through whatever stupid decisions you make.” Zayn laughed, but the words he spoke were serious. 

“Yeah. I know.” Louis said in response. He got off the wall, closing the distance between him and his friend. “You’re way too good for me.” He said when he was inches away from Zayn. Zayn’s eyes fluttered to Louis’ lips. Louis knew that Zayn wanted him. He loved it. Too much. Louis bowed his head, clearing his throat. He was trying so hard not to be that guy anymore. Instead of giving in and planting one on Zayn, he wrapped him into a hug, squeezing him close. Zayn relaxed in his arms, his cheek pressed against the side of Louis’ head. Louis breathed him in. He always smelled like pine needles and cigarettes. 

“Are you smelling me?” Zayn chuckled. 

“I would never. You’re gross.” Louis said, voice muffled by Zayn’s shoulder. They broke apart, eyes still fixed on each other. 

“See you soon,” Zayn said simply, turning away and not coming back this time.


	7. Boys Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am having way too much fun writing complicated friendships if that wasn't obvious. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The days after brunch pass by slowly. He goes to work, fools around with Niall, and tries not to think about Harry. It’s Friday night and Louis is alone in his apartment, joint in between two fingers when he decides not to be pathetic anymore. The TV is running some old film he had never seen, murmuring voices escaping the speaker. He pulled out his phone, texting Zayn. 

Drinks?

He got a response 15 minutes later. 

Yes!

They quickly make a plan, agreeing to meet in an hour at a bar 15 minutes away. Louis makes the decision to invite Niall along too. He finished his badly rolled joint before pulling on black jeans and a grey sweatshirt. Before leaving, he stopped to look at himself in the mirror. His hair was disheveled, his eyes red, and there was stubble forming on his jaw. He used to be someone that was loveable. He used to be someone who danced around the kitchen and spoke about stars as if he knew them. He used to be that person. But he wasn’t anymore. He was a stoned trainwreck with a broken heart. He wanted more than anything to be something else. 

The bar was crowded, bodies pressed against bodies. He waited outside for Niall, cigarette between his lips. He heard the blonde boy before he saw him, a booming voice exclaiming his name from across the street. Niall was wearing white plain trousers, a light blue button-down shirt hanging effortlessly off of his shoulders. If Louis was a different person, maybe Niall would make him happy. 

“Hey mate!” Niall beamed, hand slapping down on Louis’ shoulder. Louis smiled back at him. 

“Hey. It’s good to see you.” Louis responded, putting out the cigarette beneath his sneaker.

“I saw you yesterday.” Niall pointed out. 

“I just missed you so much,” Louis said sarcastically. 

“Ha.” Niall rolled his eyes, dirty blonde hair brushing softly over his eyebrows.

“So my friends Zayn and Liam are here as well. Zayn is like my best friend and Liam is like this big teddy bear. They’re both really cool. I think you’ll like them.” Louis gushed, hands nervously twitching by his sides. He was only slightly worried about mixing friend groups. 

“Of course I will,” Niall spoke optimistically. 

“Yeah.” Louis scoffed. “Right” Louis pushed open the door to the bar, feeling Niall’s presence behind him. He spotted the other boys at the bar, Zayn’s back strong in the light. 

“Hey, guys. This is Niall from work. This is Zayn and Liam.” Louis introduced them. He waited as they all shook hands, exchanging pleasantries. 

An hour later, it was as if they were all best friends. Niall’s arm was wrapped tightly around Louis' shoulders. Louis had his feet up on Zayn's lap, who was leaning against Liam. Louis felt safe here, with his friends. Safe. At home. 

“No, so listen.” Zayn slurred, “he was like sucking my dick, right?” Zayn continued. Louis giggled against Niall, eyes closing. “And then he just stopped and fell asleep on me in like two minutes.” Zayn finished, hands raised above his hands in a dramatized fashion. Liam scoffed.

“You’re a great storyteller dude.” Liam joked. 

“Shut up Liam, you love my stories.” Zayn giggled, head nuzzling into Liam’s shoulder. Louis watched them through glazed eyes. He could feel the heat from Niall's chest against his neck. He could fall asleep like this. 

“Did you see the guy again?” Niall asked, his chin resting on the top of Louis’ head. Louis grinned softly. 

“Yeah. One more time. Last night actually.” Zayn spilled, looking at Louis. Louis was unsure of how Zayn wanted him to react to this news, that Zayn was actively fucking someone. He wasn’t jealous, not really. He was more curious than anything else. He wondered why Zayn hadn’t told him before. Why he had waited for now to bring it up. 

“Did he fall asleep again?” Niall scoffed. 

“No. I kept him away this time.” Zayn said, a smirk playing on his lips. 

“If I talked about girls this way you guys would kill me.” Liam pointed out. 

“Shut up.” Zayn murmured, slapping Liam slightly on his forearm. 

“I don't want to be here anymore,” Louis whined, craning his neck to see Niall’s face. Niall grinned down at him, eyes tinged red. 

“Where do you want to be Lou?” Niall asked, his voice slow and shallow. Louis licked his lips, his throat suddenly feeling very dry.   
“In Italy,” Louis told him honestly. “Among the stars.” 

“We should go,” Zayn said, his hands wrapped around Louis' ankles. “Tonight. We should go.” His face was serious which made Louis descend into laughter. 

“We would all fall asleep on the way.” Louis pointed out. “It’s almost 3 in the morning.” He added. Zayn let go of Louis’ ankles, a pout appearing on his face. 

“You got me all excited.” He groaned. Louis rolled his eyes, lifting his feet off of Zayn’s lap and sitting straight on his chair. 

“But we should go somewhere else,” Louis suggested, fingers digging into his chair so as not to topple over. Liam hummed in agreement, gesturing to the bartender so they could pay for their drinks. 

After paying, they all stumbled outside. Louis hung onto Zayn, shivering in the frozen night. 

“Where do we go now?” Liam asked, always the practical one of the group. Louis looked at each of the boys. Each of them looked like they had a twin and he giggled. Zayn looked down at Louis in alarm, a questioning look on his face. Louis just smiled up at him, watching his eyebrows blend together. Everything was funnier with alcohol involved. 

“We can go dancing!” Niall suggested, spinning around on the sidewalk. Liam let out a loud bark of laughter, eyes twinkling in excitement. 

“That actually doesn’t sound too bad,” Liam responded. 

“I’d be down.” Zayn agreed, eyes still focused on Louis’ dazed face. “What do you think, Lou? You’re the baby of the group. You get to decide.” Zayn told him. Louis chuckled, pressing his lips to Zayn's jaw. 

“I would love to go dancing,” Louis announced. Niall clapped his hands together in delight. 

“I know just the place.” He said. 

The dance club Niall brought them to was loud, very loud. Louis could feel the vibration of the music from a block away. He didn’t go dancing often, and when he did it was with Harry. His heat tinged slightly, he hadn’t thought about Harry all night. 

Inside, even at 3:30 am, the club was filled with gyrating bodies. It was mostly males, with a few girls hanging around the sides. A gay club. Of course, Niall brought them to a gay club. Louis was hit with a sudden wave of energy. He gripped onto Niall’s hand, dragging him onto the dance floor. Niall grinned at him as Louis wrapped his hands around his neck, fingers stroking the back of his neck softly. 

“We’re never coming back from this,” Niall whispered into Louis’ ear, barely audible above the music. Louis shook his head in response. 

“Never.” He agreed. 

They danced for what seemed like hours, Niall spinning him around the dancefloor. Niall was good for him, he could tell. Zayn and Liam sat at the bar, their eyes fixed on Niall and Louis. They didn’t look mad or jealous though, they were smiling. Maybe they knew that Niall was good for Louis too. Louis was watching Zayn’s face when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Before turning around he looked at Niall, who still had his hands on Louis’ waste. His face was skewed in confusion. Louis turned around, breaking free from Niall’s grasp. 

“Harry.” Louis breathed in surprise. Harry was standing in front of Louis, his hair down and hanging above his shoulders. He was wearing tight jeans and a sheer blouse, topped off with black heeled boots. 

“Hey,” Harry said, limbs swinging at his side. He was drunk, maybe drunker than Louis. “Whose that?” Harry asked, pointing a finger at Niall who was standing silently behind Louis. 

“I’m Niall,” Niall said, pushing passed Louis to shake Harry’s hand. Harry looked down at their hands, grimacing. Louis crossed his arms across his chest.

“Okay,” Harry said slowly. “It’s nice to meet you, Niall.” He added sharply. Louis took a deep breath. Harry was still playing this stupid game. 

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked, trying to keep his voice level and friendly.   
“It’s my friend, Nick’s birthday,” Harry told him, eyes still on Niall. “Well I guess his birthday was yesterday,” Harry mumbled as an afterthought. Louis took out his phone, which was almost dead, to check the time. It was 4:15 am. He hadn’t stayed out this late in months. 

“Yeah,” Louis responded, not sure what else to say. “Well, it was good to see you, Harry. We’re actually leaving.” Harry licked his lips slowly, nodding as if in slow motion. 

“Good to see you too, Louis,” Harry responded, face cold. He turned around without saying anything to Niall and disappeared behind the dancing bodies. Louis looked back at Zayn and Liam who were looking at them with stunned faces. 

“What was that about?” Niall asked Louis.

“That was my ex,” Louis told him. “We should probably go back to the boys.” Niall nodded in response, leading the way through the crowd. Louis collapsed on the chair next to Liam, resting his head down on the bar. He felt a hand rest on the middle of his back. 

“You good?” A voice asked. He peaked up, Liam’s face inches away from his. He took a deep breath. 

“Yeah. I’m okay. Getting sober and kinda just wanna go home.” Louis gushed, running a hand through his hair. 

“Fair enough. Let’s get cabs.” Liam suggested. Louis smiled at him gratefully.


	8. Chai Tea and a Table By The Window

Louis woke up, again, on the bathroom floor, mostly naked. Thankfully, this time it was in his own bathroom and he was alone. He pushed himself off the tiles, groaning at the pulsating ache in his forehead. He reached for the shower, turning on the water and sat back to wait until it became hot. Louis smiled faintly remembering the events of the night before. Niall blended in perfectly with his little group and for once he was starting to feel secure like he had people to trust. Louis crawled into the shower, sighing in relief as the warm water coasted off his shoulders. Louis blinked his eyes awake, leaning his head back and letting the water coast over his face. Harry was at the club. Why was Harry suddenly everywhere all the time? Louis had managed to avoid him for a half a year and now he couldn’t turn around without Harry being right there in front of him. Louis finally managed to stand up, using one hand to keep him stable. He washed his hair and body, fingers drifting over his wet muscles. It had been so so long since he had sex with anyone. He was basically aching for it.  
Louis wrapped a towel around his waist, searching around the bathroom for his phone. His mouth tasted faintly of vomit and alcohol, which was really not a good flavor. He groaned, not being able to find his phone. Moving into his bedroom, he rummaged through the sheets. Finally, he found it, dead, under one of his pillows. He plugged it in before leaving to make himself a coffee. Too lazy to make anything else, he poured himself a cup of black coffee, sipping on it as he stared out the window. It was raining again and it gave him a sense of comfort. With everything going on, he really hadn’t had a chance to be with himself for a little while, without the distraction of everything else. He set down his empty mug in the sink, returning to his room to check his phone. He had three missed calls from Niall, a bunch of texts from a newly formed group chat with the boys, and one text from Harry. Louis’ eyes widened in surprise. What was Harry doing texting him? Especially after this morning?

Harry: Coffee tomorrow?

Louis stared at the words on the screen, head fogging with confusion. He sighed, fingers gripping tightly onto his phone. He decided to ignore it temporarily, looking through the texts in the group chat. Liam had made it, gushing about how fun last night was. Niall had joined in expressing similar feelings and Zayn asked if anyone knew where his wallet was. Louis laughed to himself. Zayn was always losing things. Louis decided to call Niall back, laying down on his bed as he waited for him to pick up. 

“Hey man!” Niall’s chipper voice appeared over the phone. 

“Hey, you called...Three times?” Louis questioned. 

“Yeah, thought you might have died or choked on your own vomit. I’m coming over with breakfast.” Niall announced. Louis had no idea how someone could be enthusiastic after a night like theirs. 

“How do you even know where I live?” Louis asked him.

“I asked Zayn,” Niall said simply. Louis could hear the chattering noises of a coffee shop in the background. 

“Yeah, okay creep.” Louis chuckled. 

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” Niall told him before hanging up. 

Louis rushed around his apartment, pulling on sweatpants and a shirt. He dried off his damp hair again, cringing at the dark bags under his eyes. Niall did indeed arrive at his door eight minutes later, holding up two greasy paper bags and a coffee. 

“The boys told me you like breakfast burritos.” He beamed, handing him a bag before entering the apartment. 

“Thanks,” Louis said awkwardly, peaking into the bag. His stomach growled. Niall made himself right at home, settling in on one of the bar stools at his island. He pulled out his burrito, immediately sinking his teeth into it. Louis laughed lightly and sat on the barstool next to him. 

“Thank you by the way,” Louis said, taking a small bite of his food. 

“Yeah, duh of course. Liam was saying that they used to bring you food every   
Saturday morning.” Niall explained. 

“Yeah,” Louis responded self consciously. “Did they tell you why?” Louis asked, hoping that they hadn’t just totally exposed him to his new friend. 

“No, they said you would tell me if you wanted to. Although, I am quite the detective and figure it has something to do with the guy we ran into last night.” Niall said, finishing off his burrito in two gigantic gulps. 

“Wow, genius,” Louis said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

“So do you want to tell me?” Niall asked. 

“He’s my ex. We dated for like a year and broke up like six months ago. It didn’t end very well.” Louis stopped to run a hand through his hair, laughing to himself. “But we ran into each other at this wedding I went to with Zayn. I thought that we might be able to be friends but it’s just been really fucking awkward honestly and it feels like he’s trying to play a game with me. Not to mention he has a girlfriend he lives with. She’s like pretty and french and her name is Camille. But he asked me to get coffee tomorrow which is also fucking weird.” Louis finished in one breath. 

“Shit. And I thought my love life was complicated.” Niall joked, eyes traveling over Louis’ features. “I’m sorry though, sounds like it was rough for you.” Louis cringed at the genuine words, he never liked being too serious.

“You think?” Louis scoffed. 

“What are you going to do about coffee?” Niall questioned. 

“I don't know. I haven't responded.” Louis admitted, eyes traveling to what Niall was wearing. His legs were covered by olive green trousers, a black turtleneck peeking out under a black coat. Louis admired how Niall was able to look so good all the time, he himself could never put in the effort. 

“Why not?” Niall asked. 

“I just don’t know what he wants. He didn’t even really like coffee before and now he’s this whole new person...I don't even know him, really.” Louis mumbled, playing with his fingers. 

“You know him, it just feels like that because it’s been so long, and people change. That doesn’t mean he’s not the same person you were with.” Niall said. Louis furrowed his eyebrows, confused by Niall’s kind words. 

“I don't know...I have to think about it.” Louis trailed off, eyes focusing on Niall’s right knee. His stomach twisted, nerves rising in his throat.

“Okay well we don't know each other too well but I think closure could be really good. Sounds like maybe he is trying to fuck with you a bit though...So maybe you need to fuck with him right back.” Niall suggested, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

“That sounds great for my mental health,” Louis said, eyes returning to Niall’s face. Niall licked his lips, a sharp breath leaving his mouth in response. 

“You should go.” He stated again. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Louis said as he pulled out his phone, finding the text from Harry. “What do I say?” Louis asked Niall, showing him the message. Niall smirked in response. 

“Say, ‘Sorry I was with someone, sure why not?’” Niall said, taking the phone from Louis’ hands and typing in the words. 

“You’re good,” Louis told him, not wanting to validate the blonde boy too much.   
He took the phone from his hands, hitting send. “Now we wait.”

Two hours later, long after Niall had left with a chuckle and wave, Louis’ phone buzzed. He felt around on his couch, searching under pillows to find it. 

Harry: Tomorrow at 11 then?

Louis’ fingers danced over the screen, thinking for several moments of a good response that wouldn’t make him seem too eager. 

Louis: Okay. Send me the address tomorrow. 

Louis spent the rest of the day with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He watched bad movie after bad movie, hoping that the crap would distract him from his impending doom. But, it didn’t. He smoked a pack of cigarettes, a joint, and drank four beers before passing out on his couch at 11 pm, limbs sprawled in all directions. 

He was startled awake by his alarm going off. For some reason, totally crossed him had managed to set an alarm so he could wake up on time to get ready. He checked his phone, 9 am. Harry had sent him the address three hours ago. Of course, he was fucking awake at 6 in the morning, the freak. 

Louis quickly got into the shower, making sure to get off all the smell of alcohol and weed on his body. He put his hair up out of his face, spraying cologne on his neck and upper chest. He decided to go business casual, throwing a black sweater over a burgundy button-down with black jeans and vans. Louis knew he wasn’t ugly. He got attention from guys (and girls) at bars and could get a handsome date if needed. But he didn’t have abs really, and the constant drinking had made him look permanently tired and puffy. He could deal with it if he didn’t look in the mirror too often. He grabbed a jacket and his keys before heading out the door, lighting a cigarette. 

The coffee shop that Harry had sent him to was similar to the brunch place. All white finishes and flowers arranged in mason jars. He looked around, not able to spot any tall awkward man in any of the seats. 

“Hey, Lou.” He heard a voice behind him. He turned to meet Harry’s soft green eyes. Louis cleared his throat. 

“Hello Harold,” Louis responded curtly. He rolled his shoulders back awkwardly, 

“You want anything? I’ll pay.” Harry asked Louis, eyes flickering to the menu behind  
Louis’ head 

“No thanks, I can pay,” Louis answered, noticing the flicker of embarrassment that   
crossed Harry’s face. 

“Right.” Harry coughed, hands awkwardly resting at his sides.

Louis bit his lip as he read the menu, fully aware of Harry’s presence by his side. He  
could feel Harry’s eyes on him as he ordered a Chai Tea. They sat at a table by the window. It wasn't raining out but the clouds hung heavy in the sky. Once again, the weather seemed to match Louis’ mood. Harry cleared his throat and Louis realized he had been completely spacing out.   
“Sorry,” Louis mumbled quietly. 

“It’s okay,” Harry responded, fingers tracing the lines of his coffee cup. 

“So why’d you want to meet?” Louis asked, trying to keep his mind focused on why they were there and not on Harry’s long, dainty, fingers. 

Harry took a sip of his coffee and said, “Jumping right in yeah?” 

Louis furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah…”

“I don't want to play games with you.” Harry admitted, eyes searing into Louis’. Louis wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. This still felt like a game, and if he broke eye contact first, he would lose. 

“You don't?” Louis questioned, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Harry took a deep breath, “No.”

“Alright.” Louis nodded, leaning back in his chair. 

“I feel like maybe it’s come off that way.”

“A bit,” Louis said offhandedly. 

“I’m sorry for that.” Harry’s voice sounded sincere, but Louis didn’t believe him. How could he? This was the most confusing situation he had ever been in. 

“What does it matter anyway?” Louis asked. Because, really, it didn’t. They didn’t need to fix their relationship. Their relationship was nothing. They could go on forever awkwardly running into each other and it wouldn’t change anything. 

“Well, we keep running into each other. Like at the club, when you were on that date or whatever.” Harry said, tired eyes leaving Louis’ face. Louis won. 

“Date,” Louis smirked, adding nothing else. 

“I just...I don't know maybe this is stupid.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Louis confirmed. 

Harry’s face turned cold, hands gripping tightly onto the table. “You don't get to say stuff like that to me, act like this is all my fault. You keep playing the victim. You’re not the victim.” He spat, coffee sitting barely touched in front of him. 

“And you don't get to tell me how to feel, actually,” Louis argued back. 

Harry pursed his lips together, a hand running through his curls. “This isn’t working like I thought it would.” 

“What did you think would happen?” Louis questioned. 

“I thought we could get along for a second. At least get to the point where I could invite you over to dinner.” Harry flashed a quick smile, hesitation appearing on his face. 

Louis’ eyes widened with shock. “With you and Camille? In your home?”

“She wants to meet you,” Harry said simply. 

“Why are you talking about me with her?” 

“Because we were in a relationship...And I had to explain to her why I had such bad fucking trust issues.” Harry’s face became cold and guarded again. 

“Why do you have to be like that?” Louis asked, exasperated. 

“Like what, honest?”

“Why would I agree to go to dinner with you and your girlfriend?” Louis crossed his arms over his chest, trying to hide the fact that his heart was beating a mile a minute. 

“I don't know,” Harry responded, shaking his head. 

Louis tried to hide a slight smile. “Your false optimism is still astounding.”

“You used to like it.” Harry pointed out.

Louis shrugged. “Sure.” Louis looked outside again, mind wandering. At this moment, he knew things would never be the same between him and Harry. He knew that they would always have this tension between them, filled with unspoken words and what-ifs. “I’ll go. To dinner.” Louis added, unsure of why he agreed but he looked into Harry’s eyes again, which were bright and hopeful and he knew it was the right thing to say. “I never turn down a good dinner.”


	9. The Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, this was kind of painful to write I am sorry.

Louis regretted his decision to go to this dinner with every bone in his body. He hated the version of himself that had agreed to attend. He hated the version of himself that was built to make Harry happy, that lived for seeing that special glint in his eyes that reassured him that Harry didn’t really hate him. Harry was trying, Harry wanted him to come over and meet his girlfriend and that wasn’t insanely weird. Except it was, it was really very weird and Louis felt like he was going to throw up. 

It was 4 pm, he had three hours until he was supposed to go over there. Harry had texted him that it was casual, and he didn’t need to bring anything. Which, to be honest, felt like a trap. Not that Louis would have anything to bring anyway unless they wanted half a joint or the three beers he had left in his fridge. He really needed to go grocery shopping soon. 

Louis had begged Niall to come over and help him get ready but the Irish fuck was busy researching someplace for work. He hated that Niall was responsible as well as spontaneous, those things were supposed to cancel each other out. 

So, he was stuck alone, pacing around the apartment, deciding what to wear to his funeral. 

He had wasted his best outfit on their coffee date so he settled for black jeans and a dark green sweater. It wasn’t until he was about to leave that he realized the sweater had been a gift from Harry. He decided to wear it anyway, thinking Harry wouldn’t even remember. 

Harry and Camille’s apartment was in a very tall, very modern building, the complete opposite of where Louis’ lived. They were on the 15th floor but the elevator took seconds to bring him there. He rolled his eyes, sure that this place had cost a fortune. Who even was Camille? He walked as slowly as he could down the hallway, stopping to look into every mirror he came across. Louis suddenly regretted wearing this sweater. Of course, Harry would recognize the sweater, he had given it to him only eight months ago. Harry would think that Louis was trying to stir shit and he wasn’t. He wasn’t. 

Was he? 

Louis stopped in front of their apartment door, shoving all thoughts about how fucking weird this situation was to the back of his mind. He raised his shaking hand, knocking twice on their door. It took eight seconds for someone to shoutout in a light voice that they were coming and five seconds after that for the door to open. Behind the door, a girl beamed at him. She had golden blonde hair, gleaming eyes, and was dressed in a yellow sundress. It took everything in Louis to not roll his eyes. She looked like a literal angel. Of course. 

Realizing he hadn’t said anything yet he cleared his throat, “Hi, I’m Louis.” He spoke, voice slightly hoarse. He shoved his hand out and watched as a manicured hand fell into his. Her skin was soft and Louis could smell the sweet scent of lavender literally seeping out of her pores. 

It made him feel sick. 

“I’m Camille.” She responded, french accent turning her words into an old song Louis was sure he would have loved in a different context. 

“It’s nice to meet you Camille,” Louis said, retracting his hand. The lines by her eyes crinkled.

“It’s nice to meet you too Louis, I’ve heard so much about you.” She paused for a moment, Louis’ stomach twisted. “Come in, come in,” Camille added. 

Louis smiled softly, walking into the apartment. He could smell something from the kitchen. His mind flickering to all those times he had danced with Harry in their own kitchen. 

“You can leave your shoes by the door,” Camille said from behind him, startling him into reality. Who made their guests take off their shoes? Louis nodded, removing his vans. Camille was barefoot, her nails painted a baby blue. Louis looked at his own feet, one of his socks had a small hole in it. 

Camille led him into the living room. Their apartment was decorated sparsely, modern art decorating the white walls. There was jazz seemingly coming from nowhere and Louis could hear someone humming in the kitchen. 

Harry. 

“Did you have an okay time getting here?” Camille asked, sitting down on their black leather couch. 

Louis looked around awkwardly, unsure if he was supposed to sit down or not. “Yeah, yeah. Just took a cab.” He said. 

“You can sit down.” Camille said simply, “I’ll get you something to drink.” She stood again, “Wine okay?” 

“Uh yeah, that would be great,” Louis said, sitting down in an uncomfortable-looking orange chair. Camille smiled, basically floating away into the kitchen. 

Louis gulped, alone in the living room. He glanced towards the front door, wondering if he got up fast enough if he could just run out without being stopped. Before he got the chance to, Harry walked into the living room. He was wearing black pants that hugged his thighs and a yellow blouse that was the same shade as Camille’s dress. Louis’ heart sunk into his ass. 

“Hello, Louis!” Harry said enthusiastically, not flinching as Camille appeared behind him with two wine glasses. She handed one to Louis and kept the other one for herself, returning to her spot on the couch. Harry stood standing, legs crossed as he leaned around the wall. 

“Hi,” Louis said in response, sitting on his hands. It would be a miracle if he made it through the night without crying. Harry moved to sit next to Camille on the couch, leaning back and crossing his legs. He was wearing navy blue socks and actual slippers. Louis’ head hurt. 

“So tell me about yourself, Louis?” Camille asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, revealing a dangling emerald earring. 

Louis coughed to clear his throat, “I uh, well, I work at a newspaper. I do a lot of like, reviews of places. Like, for example, I recently went to a bunch of these like new-age coffee shops with my friend Niall and we sampled their coffee and stuff and we wrote this joint article series. That was fun. I mean I love writing in general but my passion is probably songwriting. I just haven't written a song or sung in a while.” Louis explained quickly, not sure why he was oversharing to his ex's new girlfriend. 

Camille smiled politely, fingers playing with her earring. She hummed, like that was how she always responded to people. “That’s lovely.” She added as if an afterthought. She looked towards Harry as if asking for help to carry the conversation. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “How long have you been working at the newspaper?” Camille asked after a lull in the conversation.

“Like five years I think?” Louis guessed, most of his memories were like movies he had watched years ago. 

“He’s really good.” Harry noted suddenly, eyes searing into Louis’. “Both at writing and at singing.” Louis wrinkled his nose in response, feeling uncomfortable. How was Camille okay with this?

“I’m sure.” Camille rushed, her voice high and fleeting. 

“What do you do Camille?” Louis asked, wanting the attention off himself and on someone else. 

“Oh, I model a little but I also love taking photos. But, I’m a kindergarten art teacher.” Camille said. Louis pushed back the thought in his mind that questioned how they were able to afford this apartment if Camille was a teacher. It wasn’t his business. 

“That’s awesome! I love kids.” Louis said conversationally. 

“You do?” Harry questioned, an unreadable look on his face. 

Louis tilted his head to the side, taking a moment to sip on his wine. He licked his lips. “I do.” He responded, setting the glass down and leaning back in the chair. It was more comfortable than it looked. 

“Dinner should be ready very soon. Harry is great at cooking, he’s been coming up with these great new things lately.” Camille said an eager smile on her face. Louis bowed his head, his heart hurting slightly. 

“Oh, it’s nothing really. Just some pasta and a salad. I know you like the simple food groups, Louis.” Harry deflected, a blush coasting over his upper cheeks. 

“Yeah, a big fan of burritos and carbs in general.” Louis joked. “I’m sure the pasta will be great.” Harry smiled at Louis’, exposing a dimple. 

After a few more minutes of more awkward conversation, Harry announced that dinner was ready. They moved to sit at a round table with a white table cloth thrown over it. All the silverware matched and they each got their own, identical, cloth napkins. Louis really needed to start acting like an adult. 

“It looks amazing,” Louis noted, throwing Harry a small smile of appreciation. 

Harry grinned, “Thank you.” He answered before he took his first bite. Louis followed his lead, plopping the slightly orange pasta into his mouth. 

Instantly, his taste buds exploded. Of course, it was orgasmic. He stopped himself from showing too much appreciation but left out a soft hum of approval. 

“It’s very good darling.” Camille chimed. 

Louis watched Camille throughout dinner, curious about how the same person that had fallen in love with him, had also fallen in love with her. She was basically the opposite of him. All soft words and giggles. He was sure that she had never thrown up from drinking, never picked her nose in public, and never ever farted too loudly. She was the angel Harry needed after Louis, the devil had broken his heart. She was the one who put him back together. And Louis hated her for that. 

After dinner, they returned to the living room with full bellies. Louis had another glass of wine, and then another until Harry cut him off with a chuckle and a concerned glance. Three uneventful and tipsy hours later Louis stumbled to find his shoes. 

“You’re okay to get home?” Harry asked him, watching as Louis failed to tie his shoes properly. “I didn’t know you were still such a lightweight.” He smirked. 

Louis looked up at Harry from the floor, narrowing his eyes. “Am not.” He retorted back, finally managing to tie one of his shoes. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Harry shook his head fondly at the boy on the floor. 

“Where is Camille?” Louis asked, pushing himself off of the ground. He walked slightly towards Harry so he could look him directly in the eyes. 

Harry huffed, “Cleaning all the mess you made.” He told him, eyes unmoving from Louis’ face. 

“I see.” Louis sucked on his bottom lip, “Well thank her for her generosity.” He said, taking a step back. 

Harry kept his eyes on Louis, “Of course. Thank you for coming.” Harry spoke professionally. Louis laughed slightly under his breath, his head too crowded to think much about anything that had just happened. 

He stumbled his way down the hall, focusing hard on putting one foot in front of the other. He didn’t know where he was supposed to go, but he knew he didn’t want to go home. 

Louis found himself, twenty minutes later, at a different apartment, knocking on a different door. He leaned against the door frame, head resting on the wood. 

“Yo…” An Irish accent spoke as the door opened. Louis straightened himself, throwing a sloppy smile onto his face. 

“Hello, Niall!”

Niall’s eyes narrowed in concern, a hand reaching out to steady Louis. “What’s up, dude?” He asked. 

“I went to dinner at Harry’s!” Louis announced a bit too loud. Niall flinched slightly and pulled Louis inside, locking the door behind them. 

“Yeah? It went well I'm guessing?” Niall laughed. 

Louis shook his head rapidly, “No. No. Well, it was okay. Not too too bad but...Not good.” Louis slurred, attempting to take his shoes off. 

“You don’t need to take off your shoes Lou,” Niall told him. “Come on in, let’s sit down.” He added, guiding Louis by his arm into the living room. 

Louis stumbled along behind him, glancing around at Niall’s house. There were plants everywhere. It looked like an old lady's apartment. 

“Camille is an angel,” Louis commented as he flopped down onto Niall’s couch. 

Niall sat opposite him, legs spread. “Is she?” 

“Yes, perfect. Not like me. Completely different.” Louis continued, running his hands along the fabric of the couch. It was soft and comforting beneath him. 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Niall spoke. “It just seems that way from the outside.” 

Louis squinted at Niall. “I don't know.” He said. 

“You should just sleep,” Niall suggested. “I’ll get you some blankets.”

“Yeah...Sleep.” Louis responded, nodding his head sleepily. 

Niall returned with a couple of blankets and a pillow, covering Louis softly. Louis hummed in appreciation, a content smile resting on his face. 

“I’ll be in my room if you need me,” Niall told him, shutting off the light in the living room. 

Louis closed his eyes, sinking into the couch. He ignored the spinning feeling and tried to think happy thoughts. He thought of Zayn, of Niall, of Liam. He thought about what it would feel like when he didn't give a fuck about anything anymore. Louis smiled to himself as he drifted off to sleep.


	10. Revelations

The next morning, Louis woke up, again, with a pounding headache. He rolled over on the couch, eyes opening to a glass of water on the floor next to him. He grabbed it, shaking hands raising it to his lips. It tasted heavenly. Louis gulped the whole thing down in seconds. 

“Good morning,” Niall said, appearing suddenly in front of him, already dressed for the day. 

Louis squinted up at the blonde boy, his temple pulsating. “Good morning.” He repeated  
quietly. 

Niall grinned at him, “Coffee?” He offered. 

Louis nodded his head gratefully, grabbing the warm mug from Niall's hands. Niall sat at   
Louis’ feet, his hand resting on Louis’ right ankle. 

“Thanks.” He said after he took a sip. 

Niall smiled in response, squeezing Louis’ ankle softly. “You remember everything from last night?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Louis told him, propping himself up on the couch. 

“I was wrong before when I said that you should be around Harry. You should stay away from him. He doesn’t treat you right.” Niall said slowly as if the words would burn. 

Louis looked away from Niall, embarrassed. “Yeah.”

“You’re bad for each other,” Niall said. 

“I know,” Louis said in response, carefully setting his empty coffee mug on the floor. “I’ll ghost him if he tries to contact me again, I guess.” He hadn’t thought about it really, but it made sense. He had to end it. 

“Good plan,” Niall said, rising to his feet. “Feel free to shower or whatever, I have to run a few errands.” 

After a quick shower and another coffee, Louis made his way home. It was a long walk but Louis needed it. He let the cold seep into his bones, keeping his eyes on the concrete in front of him. He didn’t want to be noticed today. Louis reached into his jean’s pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one. His sweater didn’t keep him warm enough and he welcomed the slight burning buzz the nicotine gave him. 

By the time he arrived back at his apartment, the dull ache in his head was gone and he was starting to feel like he could keep his eyes open again. He kept his head down as he walked to his door, not wanting to run into any eager neighbors and have to suffer through polite conversation. 

Before he reached his door, he slammed into something soft, the impact knocking the air out of him and sending him falling to the floor. 

“Oops.” The culprit said, turning around to face him. 

Louis cringed as he saw who it was. “Hi.” He grumbled, slowly rising to his feet. 

Harry’s eyes crinkled, obviously holding back a laugh. “Sorry, I came with breakfast and to check on you.”

Louis glanced at the bag Harry was holding in his hands. “What’s with everyone bringing me breakfast all the time?” He deadpanned. 

“Can I come in?” Harry asked, ignoring Louis’ question. 

“No,” Louis said, meeting Harry’s eyes. 

Harry’s face fell, “Oh. Okay.”

“This isn’t a good idea Harry,” Louis told him as he fumbled for his keys, shoving past Harry, and towards his door. 

“Why not?”

“Because it’s weird. I mean why do you even want me back in your life?” Louis paused, turning to face Harry again. 

Harry gripped the bag in his hand. “Why’d you come to dinner?” He asked. 

Louis shrugged. “I don't know. It was a mistake.” 

“Are you coming back from your boyfriends?” Harry questioned under his breath. He looked like a lost puppy, it was pathetic, really. 

“Harry, stop,” Louis said firmly. 

“Okay.”

Louis grabbed the bag from Harry.“Thanks for breakfast. I appreciate it. Just don't contact me anymore.” Louis turned, unlocking his door. 

Harry stood there, stunned. “Okay.” He whispered.

“Okay. Goodbye.” Louis said as he shut the door in Harry’s face. 

Louis slid down the door, arms wrapping themselves around his knees. He buried his face, waiting for the tears to come. 

They didn’t. 

Louis’ heart beat heavily in his chest. He wasn’t sure if Harry had left or if he was still standing on the other side of the door, waiting. But, he wasn’t going to change his mind. He needs Harry out of his life, for his own good. For Camille’s good, even for Harry’s good. 

Louis took a deep breath, shaking slightly as he rose to his feet. He didn’t want to be alone. 

Pulling out his phone, he clicked on Zayn’s contact. “Hi.” He muttered into the phone. “Could you come over? And bring weed?” 

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on his door. Louis checked through the peephole to make sure that it wasn’t Harry. Zayn was standing in the hall looking effortlessly beautiful as always. 

“Hey mate. You alright?” Zayn asked when Louis let him in. 

Louis shook his head, a tiny smile on his face. “My life is a wreck.” He confirmed. 

Zayn looked at him with an understanding grin. “I brought weed.” He told him, pulling at the black bag hanging off his shoulder. 

“Thank god.” Louis let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding. 

They sat on the floor in his living room, soft music playing through Louis’ speakers. Louis leaned his head back on the couch, a freshly slit joint in between his lips. 

“I needed this.” He whispered. 

Zayn hummed from beside him, taking the joint from Louis’ lips and placing it to his own. “I know, me too.” He said, coughing slightly as the smoke entered his lungs. “I’ve missed you,” Zayn added, looking at Louis through thick eyelashes. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Louis said, looking back at him. 

Zayn smiled, taking another hit. “I like you and Niall, though. He’s great.” He spoke honestly. 

“Yeah. He’s cool.” Louis said. His fingers played with the ends of his carpet, his mind wondering.

“So what about Harry?” Zayn asked suddenly, his voice tense. 

Louis squinted at Zayn. “What about him?” He questioned. 

The song playing ended, making way for a softer song. Louis absentmindedly started humming along, the lyrics soothing his frantic thoughts. 

“Are you guys okay?” Zayn asked over Louis’ soft voice. 

Louis stopped singing and laughed. “No.”

“What happened?”

“Dinner was like, okay. But, not really for me. Nothing actually happened but I couldn’t take it. Camille was so nice, like an angel, really. But I got too drunk and ended up at Niall’s.” Louis took a deep breath, not meeting Zayn’s eyes. “And then he showed up here this morning, right before I called you. He wanted to make sure I was okay, I guess. But I told him we can’t be friends.” Embarrassment crept up Louis’ neck, Zayn was watching him closely. “It’s too weird. For everyone involved.” Louis paused, peaking towards Zayn.“I mean, I’m not being too dramatic about this am I? It’s weird that he invited me over to meet Camille, right? After everything?” Louis asked Zayn, searching for reassurance. 

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. It’s weird. I don’t blame you.”

Louis took another hit. “That’s what Niall said. He said that Harry and I are just bad for each other, and I agree. We aren’t bad people, just bad together.” Louis spoke slowly, the weed affecting his speech slightly. 

Zayn’s mouth quirked. “That’s very insightful.” 

“Isn’t it?”

“I’m proud of you, honestly,” Zayn added. 

Louis closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.“The truth is...I know I hurt him. I deserved going through all this shit over these past couple months for what I did.” 

“You don’t.” Louis opened his eyes to see Zayn looking at him intently. 

Louis’ eyes watered. “But I do Zayn...I did like the one thing you’re not supposed to do in a relationship. And...You and Liam, you were his friends too, but I took you guys from him.”

“That wasn’t your choice. We chose to stick by your side.” Zayn said as he reached for Louis’ hand. He squeezed it once. 

“I didn’t deserve it, though,” Louis whispered. 

Zayn scooched closer to Louis, wrapping his arms around him. Louis let himself sink into his friend's arms. “There is no deserving or not deserving. It happened, there’s no use in feeling guilty for a decision we made.” Zayn explained. 

Louis took a shuddering breath. “He was right to leave me, though.”

Zayn was silent for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face. “Yeah, probably. Neither of you were ready for what you were heading towards.” He said. Zayn continued to hold him, fingers gripping onto Louis’ upper arm. 

“I panicked,” Louis said under his breath.

“I know.”

Louis squeezed his eyes shut, afraid of what he was about to say. “And cheated on him.”

“I know,” Zayn whispered into Louis’ hair. 

Louis pushed himself away from Zayn, suddenly feeling suffocated and so, so sick of himself. “It’s like, I keep going back to the things that hurt me. And I keep hurting everyone around me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He tripped over his words, his blood racing. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Zayn told him quickly, reaching out. Louis pushed his hand away, getting to his feet.

Louis walked to the window, peering out at the busy road beneath them.“How can you say that? I’ve hurt you probably the most.”

It was getting dark out. Louis was unsure of how another day had escaped him so suddenly. 

A heavy silence hung in the air.  
“Hey…” Zayn said after a moment. “I know that our relationship is complicated but I wouldn’t change anything for the world. I am always going to be here for you. In whatever way you need me.”

Louis turned to him, eyes cast on the carpet. “I hope you know that I’ll always be here for you too…” He told Zayn under his breath. Louis didn’t look at Zayn, worried that if he did he would be the true disappointment in Zayn’s eyes. 

“Of course I know that,” Zayn responded. 

Louis gave him a small nod, smiling. “Okay, good.” He said, sitting back down on the couch. 

They spent the rest of the night passing the joint between them, watching reruns of old shows and laughing about nothing. Louis, for the first time in what felt like forever, smiled without worrying anything would come in and ruin it all.


	11. Shrooms on Toast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT CONDONE DRUG USE OF ANY KIND, LET'S GET THAT CLEAR FIRST. 
> 
> BUT 
> 
> This is one of my favorite chapters so far so I hope you all enjoy. Thank you for the recent comments, it means a lot!

The next three weeks went by quickly. Louis focused on his work, occasionally hanging out with Zayn or ordering take out at his desk late at night with Niall. He was starting to feel like himself again like he had control over his feelings. He felt good. Liam had taken him grocery shopping and had shown him how to make dinner for himself. 

Liam was a lifesaver, honestly. 

But, Louis was becoming restless. He had stayed mostly sober for the past few weeks and he felt better generally, but he was getting bored and he was in the desperate need to have some fucking fun. 

“Niall,” Louis said into the phone. His palms were itching slightly and his stomach fluttering with anticipation. “I have an idea.”

“Sounds scary,” Niall said immediately.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” He paused for dramatic effect, “Shrooms.”

Niall chuckled, unconvinced. “That’s your idea?”

“Yes,” Louis said seriously. 

Niall hummed slightly. “Do you have some?” He asked. 

“Yeah, enough,” Louis responded. 

“Yeah, okay, I’m in. I’ll come over.” Niall gave in, quickly hanging up the phone. 

Niall showed up at Louis’ apartment an hour later, eyes hiding behind sunglasses. He threw him a grin, pushing past him and into the apartment. 

Louis gave Niall a strange look. “Why are you wearing sunglasses? It’s not even sunny out.” 

“I needed to look cool for this occasion,” Niall told him, arms crossed. 

Louis laughed softly. “Of course you did.” 

“I’ve never done them before,” Niall said as he removed his sunglasses. 

“I have twice, they’re fun. But I don't trip too hard. Basically just microdosing, which I would recommend to you for your first time.” Louis called from his bedroom, grabbing the bag full of shrooms. 

Niall shook his head. “No, no. I’m all in.” He said, sure of himself. 

Louis’ eyes widened. The Irish boy was always surprising him.“Yeah? Okay, then me as well.”

“Awesome.”

“Awesome,” Louis confirmed. 

They put the shrooms in sandwiches, eating them with peanut butter in front of the television. It was fifteen minutes later, as Louis glanced at his hands, that he noticed things were off. Not off in a bad way really, just slightly off. It seemed as if the carpet was eating his hands, his fingers disappearing and being replaced with the pattern beneath him. Louis turned towards Niall, a grin resting on his face. He noticed that Niall was almost glowing, his blonde hair brighter than usual. Louis felt as though he could feel exactly what Niall was feeling, every fiber of their beings, connected. 

“Mate,” Niall said, eyes twinkling. 

“Mate.” Louis echoed. 

Niall’s pupils were huge, the irises basically gone. “I didn’t know it would be like this.” His voice warmed, skin connecting with skin. 

Louis watched Niall look around, the walls cascading towards the ground like waterfalls. 

Niall was suddenly floating, legs crossed like a genie. Louis wanted to fly with him, hover over the ground without a care in the world, but his legs weighed him down as if attached to boulders. He was sinking, sinking into the ground and he had nothing to hold onto. 

“You good?” Niall looked at him through the water, seaweed tangling itself in his hair. Louis could only nod his head in response. 

He was good. He was good. He was good. 

Louis snapped his head towards Niall, unaware that he had even looked away, who was now covered in honey, dripping from his ears and mouth. Niall laughed loudly, head tilted back towards the sky, which was now visible through his apartment ceiling. Louis stared at him in amazement. He was a beautiful angel. Not Camille. Niall. Niall with his reassuring pats and understanding eyes. Niall was effervescent. 

“I am very good,” Louis said after several moments. 

“Me too,” Niall whispered, the edges of his mouth quirking upwards. “I want to go outside,” Niall added, suddenly standing three feet taller. 

Louis looked at his clock, two hours had passed already. It was almost 1 in the morning. Louis scrambled to his feet, grabbing cigarettes that looked like caterpillars and his house keys. 

“Let’s go,” Louis stated, grabbing Niall by the hand. 

They ran outside, feet barely touching the ground. It was burning hot, all signs of fall evaporated from the air. Louis could basically feel the sun beating down on him, but when he looked up, the sky was dark. The stars hovered over them dangerously. Louis tried not to focus on how all the stars he could see were already long dead. 

Niall let out a yelp, arms spread. His eyes were squeezed shut in bliss. Louis reached out for him, needing human contact. Niall grabbed onto his hand, spinning him around in a circle. Louis let his body take over, mind slipping in and out of consciousness. He let Niall twirl him around in a spiral, unable to keep track of his feet. 

Niall stopped spinning him, his hands resting on either side of Louis’ face. Louis threw him a sloppy grin. Niall’s eyes were melting, the color blending in with the street behind him. Louis was about to say something when he heard a girl’s voice, calling from somewhere ages away. 

“Louis?” Louis turned, bewildered, to see who the voice belonged to. 

A girl with long brown hair stood arm in arm with another girl, black hair resting on her shoulders. 

Eleanor and Kendall. 

Louis squinted at them, trying to see past the glimmering light that separated them. “Hello!” He spoke cheerily. 

Eleanor gave him a small, genuine, smile. “Do you live near here?” She asked, voice soft and calming. 

Louis looked at her. She was pretty in a plain type of way, he decided. She had a face you could get used to looking at. 

“Right there!” Louis announced, gesturing nowhere in particular. 

Eleanor gave him a slow nod, obviously amused. Kendall stood beside her, posture slightly awkward. “Who is this?” Eleanor asked, pointing towards Niall, who was spinning in circles behind him. 

Louis reached out to steady Niall, who whined as he came to a stop. “This is Niall, my coworker,” Louis told the girls. Niall gave them a small wave, baring his teeth like a lion. Louis shook his head slightly at the Irish boy. He really was something. “What’re you girls doing out here so late?” Louis questioned, unsure if the words were actually coming out of his mouth. 

“We’re going to a party,” Kendall spoke up, a cigarette tucked behind her ear. 

“Sounds fun!” Niall yelled, voice booming in Louis’ eardrums. There was a silence, an awkward pause and Louis wanted to swallow up all the air in the sky. 

“You should come with us, it’s going to be huge,” Kendall suggested. 

Louis looked at Niall, eyebrows raised. Niall nodded dramatically. His eyes were huge, almost bulging out his head. Louis could still see the golden aura that surrounded the boy. 

“Yeah, okay. If that’s really okay.” Louis agreed, looking back and forth between the two girls. “We’re on shrooms.” He added, thinking that maybe they should know.

“We’re on molly.” Eleanor grinned. Kendall laughed quietly, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Eleanor's head. 

Louis admired how well they fit together. 

“Amazing!” Niall gasped, rushing towards them. He slung his arm around Kendall and her eyes crinkled. “Let’s be off, then.” He ordered. 

Louis laughed at Niall, moving to stand on the other side of Kendall. She turned to him, her eyes matching his own. “I like this boy.” She whispered into Louis’ ear, grabbing onto Louis’ forearm as they began walking. 

“Everyone does,” Louis told her. 

Kendall’s hand on his arm sent electric currents through his veins, warming his insides. 

As they continued walking, Louis noticed how bright London was. He was never a big fan of the city. He always secretly wished that he was somewhere far away, hidden from reality. The only reason he stayed was for his job and the access to pubs.

And for Harry. 

They continued walking a bit out of town, turning down a street of houses. Louis’ eyes peered into the darkness, ignoring the dragonflies that crowded his vision. He knew that they weren’t really there. 

Louis spied a house at the end of the block, it was ten times lighter than the rest of them.  
There seemed to be fireworks exploding around it, embers replacing the stars in the night sky. Louis could hear the music from where they stood, it rang loudly in his brain. 

“It’s beautiful.” He told Kendall, his voice hushed. 

She looked at him as if she had all the knowledge in the world. “I know.” 

As they walked inside, Louis didn’t know where to look. There were so many people spilling out of rooms and into hallways. He didn’t recognize anyone, their faces beautiful under the harsh fluorescents. The girls led them deeper into the house, which seemed endless. It wasn’t clear if they knew anyone in the house, but they were continuously stopped by hands, touching them frantically. Louis would normally be overwhelmed by all the attention but tonight it felt good, very good. He needed to be touched, to be felt. 

They stopped in the kitchen, which was mostly empty. Kendall hopped onto the counter, taking the cigarette behind her ear and lighting it. Eleanor began to rummage in the fridge, searching for something nameless. 

“Whose house is this?” Niall questioned.

“Ours,” Eleanor said, head in the fridge. She pulled out a Redbull. “Want one?” Eleanor turned towards Louis, her hand stretched out. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Louis nodded, taking the yellow can from her hand. “This is your house?” Louis clarified, hip leaning against the counter for support. 

“Yeah. Well, my dad left it to me but yeah. Ours.” Kendall said from the counter, she was kicking her feet against it like a toddler. 

“We like throwing parties where we don't know most of the people,” Eleanor said, closing the refrigerator. She hopped onto the counter next to Kendall, her head resting on her wife's shoulder. 

“What were you doing out there before?” Niall asked, confused. 

“And why didn’t you tell us?” Louis added, taking a sip of his Redbull. It exploded on his tongue, the carbonation attacking the inside of his mouth. 

“We needed air,” Kendall spoke simply like they should have known already. 

“And we thought it would be a fun surprise,” Eleanor said. 

Louis remembers coming down, he remembers when reality hit and the walls looked like walls again. He was sitting on the couch, legs thrown over Eleanor’s lap when the words that came out of her mouth started to make sense. At first, he hated it. The English sounded too harsh and rattled his brain. He groaned, back arching against the couch. Eleanor looked at him with confusion. He wasn’t sure where Niall or Kendall was, but he didn’t care.

“I need something else.” He mumbled to Eleanor. Her eyes were red under her heavily coated eyelashes. He had spent the whole night looking at her, memorizing her face. He came to the conclusion that he liked her enough. He didn’t have many friends that were girls. Maybe she would be a good one. 

“Me too.” Eleanor huffed, a hand running through hair. “Coke?” She offered, rummaging in her jean pockets for a small baggie filled with white powder. Louis nodded enthusiastically, removing his legs from her lap and sitting up straight. 

“Have you done it before?” Eleanor asked him, setting up the lines on her living room table and cutting them with her credit card. 

“Yeah, of course,” Louis told her, grinning. She laughed softly, punching his shoulder. 

“Of course.” She mocked. 

They each did a line, Eleanor letting out a loud giggle as she watched Louis snort up the powder. Niall and Kendall soon returned, wanting to partake as well. Five minutes later and Louis felt like jumping off the walls. He got up to dance, Niall quick behind him. Not many people were dancing, but Niall and Louis swayed their hips to the beat, feeling the music in their bones. Louis could feel the sweat sticking to his body. He could feel his veins pumping against his skin, almost trying to break free. Niall gripped onto Louis’ hips, his fingernails sending a prickly hot sensation through Louis’ bloodstream. 

They’re soon joined by the girls, who sling their slender arms over the boys and jump up and down. They dance like that for almost an hour, letting the coke slip silently out of their system until it’s time to do another line. Then a round of shots, and then smoke a joint. 

The sun had fully risen by the time they collapsed on each other. Louis knew he looked completely wrecked. He could feel his muscles aching and a soft layer of grime covering his skin. Eleanor set her head in his lap, and he subconsciously played with her hair. It’s easy with her, Louis decided. She’s simple but not shallow.

“How’re you feeling?” She asked Louis, face turned to look up at his. 

Louis let out a sigh. “Good. I’m not tired, more buzzed really.” He told her. 

Kendall let out a sound of approval from the floor, her eyes shut. Niall was sitting opposite them on the couch, fast asleep. “I’m hungry,” Kendall announced. 

“Let’s get brunch in a few hours,” Eleanor suggested, reaching up to trace Louis’ eyebrows. Louis shifted, slightly uncomfortable by how close she was. He glanced over at Kendall, who was sitting up now, looking at them with a calm, unbothered, expression. 

“Sounds like a great idea.” Kendall smiled. “I’ll shower first.”


	12. A Pool Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter + things are about to get really interesting so I hope you like it!

Louis woke Niall by slowly stroking his hair. The Irish boy’s eyes fluttered open, slightly bloodshot from the night before. 

“You wanna shower?” Louis cooed, hair slightly damp from the shower he had already taken. 

Louis was dressed in someone else's clothes. Because, apparently, Kendall and Eleanor’s closet was filled to the brim with stranger’s clothes that had been discarded there over the years. 

For some reason, that just made sense. 

Niall stretched his arms out, a goofy smile playing on his face. “What’re you wearing?” Niall grumbled. 

Louis looked down at his outfit. He was wearing black fitted pants, a white button-down, and a green vest. “Eleanor gave me clothes.” Louis tugged on the collar of the vest, the material irritating his skin. 

Niall smirked. “Cute.” He paused as if thinking of what to say next. “You and Eleanor hit it off.” He noted. 

“She’s sweet.” Louis shrugged. 

“She is.”

Louis stood up from the couch, turning his back towards Niall. “You going to shower? We’re waiting on you to get breakfast.” He said in a level tone. 

“I will be lightning fast.” 

Apparently Louis was a brunch person now. Apparently he was the kind of person to stay out all night doing hard drugs and going to brunch in the morning, surrounded by perfect looking people with smooth, unbroken, skin. 

Louis kept trying to pinch himself, mind frozen in a dreamlike state. If he was being honest, Louis was slightly jealous of Eleanor. She had the ability to hold herself so regally. 

The girls were wearing matching sundresses, olive green contrasting beautifully against their tan skin. Louis wondered how they managed to look so sun-kissed in this rainy fucking city. 

They sat down at a round table, menus placed in front of them. Eleanor immediately ordered an iced tea, squeezing a wedge of lemon into the glass. Kendall watched her fondly. 

Louis remembered what it felt like to be in awe of an action so simple. When you love someone enough to marry them, everything they do is slightly magical. 

Louis had loved Harry enough to marry him ten times over. 

Niall sat beside Louis, face sporting a slightly pained expression. Louis rested his head on the boy's shoulder, the drowsiness finally catching up to him. Niall hummed softly against the top of Louis' head. “I had fun last night.” He whispered, unheard by the girls sitting across from them. 

“Me too,” Louis told him. 

“I haven’t done anything like that in ages.” 

“Me neither,” Louis whispered back. 

“What’re you boys whispering about over there?” Kendall said softly, leaning on her elbows. Her perfectly manicured fingernails rested on her cheek. She looked like a painting. 

“How grateful we are for you,” Louis said honestly. 

Eleanor reached across the table, hand falling to rest on top of Louis’. “We’re grateful for you guys.” She echoed. 

Kendall nodded in agreement, placing her hand on top of Eleanors. “Join in Nialler.” She said fondly, eyes pointing towards their hands in the middle of the table. 

Niall laughed. “We look like we’re in a four-way relationship.” He noted as he gave in, his hand on Kendall’s. 

Louis wrinkled his nose, “You guys are weird.” He said as he pulled his hands out from under theirs, relocating it to his lap. “So weird.”

Eleanor laughed loudly, her mouth opening to reveal her molars. “Thank you, Louis. We take ‘weird’ as a compliment.” She said, her eyes twinkling. 

“Of course you do,” Louis responded, faking disgust. 

“So what’re we getting up to today?” Kendall asked, expectant. 

“Sleeping, lots of sleeping,” Niall mumbled, head almost in his food. 

“I was thinking something more along the lines of getting day drunk and going swimming,” Kendall said, her voice filled with something just slightly dangerous. Louis could tell she was trouble. 

Eleanor grinned in agreement, eyes flicking to Louis. How could he say no?

“C’mon Niall, live a little.” Louis joked, pushing him softly on the shoulder. 

Niall groaned, fingers to his temples. “Why not?” He said, peaking at them with hooded eyes.

They ordered a round of mimosas, making Louis feel very, very fancy. They sipped on them as they talked about their lives. Louis tried not to feel like he was an alcoholic wife whose children didn't need her anymore. He learned that Kendall owned a doggy daycare but that her parents owned a shit ton of real estate in Italy, so she was left with a bunch of money. 

Eleanor was a stylist, as well as an aspiring filmmaker. She said she loved interviewing people, but hated journalists, that they were all a bunch of sellouts. Louis didn’t know how she could say something like that with so much authority, but she did, and she made him believe it too. 

They explained their fascination with people. Why they invited strangers into their home. They told spell-binding stories of how they had found countless people in their showers the morning after a party or the time someone had taken a sledgehammer to their refrigerator.. Louis laughed along with them, amazed at how nonchalant they presented themselves. 

Louis pretended not to care, he pretended to be the stoner that just wanted to get high and watch TV all day. But he wasn’t that. He wasn’t close to that. He cared so much that it fucked with his mind. He cared about what Zayn thought of him especially. He wanted to be a good friend to Zayn, he wanted to look at him and not feel the things he did and just relax. But he couldn’t do that either. There was something stopping him from just thinking of Zayn as a friend. 

It wasn’t like he wanted to date him. Zayn was just so untouchably beautiful but so, so open to Louis. Louis knew he had a chance, he knew he could get him if he wanted, and that idea was addicting. 

On the other hand, Louis never pretended to be a good person. He knew he wasn’t. But as he looked at Niall next to him, with his sleepy eyes and sloppy grin, he realized that he cared about what Niall thought of him too. 

And that was terrifying. 

Louis stayed quiet throughout breakfast, focusing on finishing his food and not throwing up all over the table. Niall took notice, continually touching him to make sure he was okay. Louis appreciated it, he really did, but he was starting to feel suffocated. 

Louis locked eyes with Eleanor across the table, she smiled without teeth, lips forming a curved line. Louis tried to smile back, attempting to hide how overwhelming everything was. Eleanor didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t say anything either, taking a drink from her glass of mimosa. 

An hour later, they were climbing into a cab. Louis squished himself between Niall and Eleanor in the back seat. 

“You good?” Eleanor asked into his ear, her breath tickled his cheek slightly. 

Louis nodded. He felt a little better after downing two Mimosas. “I’ll be fine.” He told her, hoping that it was convincing enough for her to stop asking. 

Eleanor kissed Louis’ cheek quickly. “Good.” She added, wrapping her arms around his forearm and pulling her close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, eyes closed. 

Louis looked down at her, unsure of what to do. He decided to do nothing, letting Eleanor snooze quietly on him as they drove to an unidentified location. 

By the time they arrived, it was almost 3 pm. They all jumped out of the cab, finding themselves in front of an outdoor pool that seemed to be closed. 

“Are we breaking in?” Niall questioned, an unsure look resting on his face. 

Kendall just laughed, slipping in between the bars that separated them from the pool with ease. Eleanor followed her, not uttering a word to Niall. 

Niall looked at Louis, eyes furrowed in panic. “Are we breaking in?” Niall repeated. Louis clapped Niall on the back, a muted laugh escaping his mouth. 

“I’m not sure, looks like it though,” Louis said. 

Louis was small enough to slip between the bars like the girls. Niall, on the other hand, was not. It took ten minutes for Louis to convince Niall to climb the fence and jump onto the other side. It seemed as if Niall was really not fond of the idea of breaking and entering. 

By the time Niall was on the other side, Eleanor and Kendall had already stripped down to their bras and underwear and jumped in the pool. They were on the shallow side, splashing around like two little kids. 

“We should invite Zayn and Liam,” Louis suggested, taking out his phone to send the address in the group chat. 

“Okay, but we might be getting arrested by the time they get here,” Niall said, his jaw clenched. 

Louis rolled his eyes at the other boy, pulling his own shirt over his head and letting it fall to the ground. “Live a little, Nialler.” Louis teased, unbuttoning his pants. 

Niall gave Louis an incredulous look, eyes pleading. Louis shrugged, standing in his briefs. He threw Niall one last grin before jumping into the pool. 

Fifteen minutes (and one chicken fight) later, Louis swam over to Niall, who was sitting on the side of the pool with his feet in the water. 

“This way I can get out faster,” Niall explained. 

“You’re such a dork dude.” Louis laughed, arms set on the side of the pool and legs kicking aimlessly in the water. 

“When are Zayn and Liam getting here?” Niall pleaded. 

“Any minute, I’m sure,” Louis responded. His hair was wet, flat against his face and he was sure that he looked like a drowned rat. Louis was about to make a joke when he saw two figures appear behind the fence. “Speaking of.” Louis pointed his chin at the fence, causing Niall to turn around. 

Both Liam and Zayn hopped the fence, letting out shouts of joys as they saw everyone in the pool. Zayn made a b-line for Louis, a black backpack hanging off his shoulder. 

“Hey, guys!” He greeted them, sitting cross-legged next to Niall. He took his backpack off, unzipping it and pulling out two bottles of Champagne. 

Niall grinned, all anxiety draining from his face. “Thank god dude,” Niall said, throwing his arms around Zayn and leaving a sloppy kiss on the side of his head. “You’re a lifesaver.” 

Zayn pushed Niall off with a laugh, “Don’t kiss me you freak.” He said, hiding a sliver of a smile. Niall continued grinning, oblivious to Zayn’s reaction. 

Eleanor and Kendall swam over to them, almost in perfect sync. They introduced themselves to Liam who stood awkwardly behind Zayn as if protecting him. 

Zayn opened the first champagne bottle with a pop, pouring the contents into plastic flutes and passing them out. Louis stayed by Niall’s side, sipping on his drink occasionally. Zayn and Liam chatted with the girls a couple feet away, grins tattooed onto their sun-kissed faces. 

Louis was pouring himself a second glass when he heard a car outside the gates. Niall whined deep in his throat, anxiety filling his face again. The girls didn’t seem to notice, continuing to laugh at some joke Liam told. Funny boy, he was. 

Louis waited, ready to jump out of the pool and grab his things. But he didn’t need to. Someone else hopped off the fence, all skinny jeans, and brown boots. 

“Is that?” Niall turned to Louis, eyebrows raised. 

Louis’ breath caught in his throat. He didn’t think that he would ever have to see him again. At least, not this soon. “Yeah.” He confirmed. He was so, so stupid.

Kendall and Eleanor noticed Harry’s entrance a few seconds later, surprise not crossing their faces for even a second. They must have invited him. 

Zayn attempted to make eye contact with Louis, but Louis kept his eyes focused on the water, unsure of what to do next. A shadow crossed over the water in front of him, preceded by the sound of boots against concrete.

“Hello, Lou.” Harry’s voice cascaded over him, echoing against the sides of the pool. Louis shivered. 

Of course. 

Louis looked up at Harry, who was standing directly next to a very uncomfortable looking Niall. Louis shaded his eyes with a hand, the sun (or Harry) blaring directly into his eyes. “Hello.” Louis squinted voice level and clam despite the flutter in his stomach. 

He hated this so fucking much. 

“How’re you doing?” Harry asked, fingers beginning to work at the buttons of his shirt, pulling it off to reveal his tattoos. Louis wanted to die. 

“Just peachy,” Louis said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Harry just hummed, eyes traveling over Louis’ shoulders, which peaked out above the water. Finally, he looked down at Niall, face-changing completely. “Oh, you again.” He noted. 

“Yeah, me again,” Niall said, his usual smile now only a faint line. 

Louis’ eyes flickered between the pair, sensing obvious tension. “Are you gonna get in, Styles?” Louis spoke up, eager to do anything to just make things less fucking awkward. 

Harry tore his eyes away from Niall. “Yeah.” He said, unbuttoning his pants.

Louis turned away, not ready to see his ex strip in front of him.


	13. Matching Tattoos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter I've written so far so I hope you all like it!
> 
> Also, my twitter is now louthesea so if you have any questions you can ask me them there.

Louis was going insane or Harry was making Louis go insane. 

Louis was starting to hate that boy more than he hated himself. 

Harry had completely ignored him since he arrived, chatting with Liam on the other side of the pool as if Louis wasn’t even there. 

Louis hated it. He hated it more than if Harry was playing with his feelings. Louis needed the attention. He felt physically weak without it. 

Louis decided, foolishly, to swim over, trying to look as sexy as possible while wading through waste-deep water. Liam noticed him first, an expression of both panic and confusion crossing his face. Louis ignored his pleading eyes. 

Harry continued talking even as Louis stood directly behind them. 

Louis stayed silent, pulling himself up to sit on the side of the pool directly behind Harry. Harry said nothing, telling some story that Louis couldn’t bring himself to listen to. Liam looked at both of them, mouth clenched in a thin line. He knew what Louis was doing, and he knew what Harry was doing too. 

They were painfully obvious, and so, so loud. 

After a few moments, Liam let the discomfort get to him, making some excuse of having to go talk to Zayn. He left, throwing a stern look in both of their directions. 

Harry turned to look at Louis, his face unreadable. 

“Hello,” Harry spoke, his tone cold.

“Hi,” Louis responded, kicking his feet against the side of the pool, water splashed up onto his face and he stilled his limbs. 

Harry squinted at him. “You brought the blonde kid again.” He noted. 

“His name is Niall.” Louis corrected him. 

Harry inhaled deeply. “Right, Niall.” 

Louis waited a moment, unsure if Harry was going to elaborate. He didn’t. “You didn’t bring Camille.” Louis pointed out. 

“She was busy, with friends.”

Louis looked down at his feet, they looked distorted under the surface.“I do like her. There’s nothing not to like.” He said honestly. 

“Yeah.” 

Louis let his eyes wander over Harry’s arms, taking in the new ink that decorated his skin. “You got more tattoos.” He breathed out. 

“A couple.” Harry looked at him, grinning slightly. 

“You didn’t cover ours up.” Louis blurted out, eyes stopping on the ship on Harry’s bicep. 

“Why would I?” Harry asked, eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion. 

Louis pursed his lips. “I don’t know.”

Kendall’s laugh echoed throughout the pool, causing them both to glance over. She was sat on top of Eleanors shoulders, perfectly balanced, opposite Niall and Liam. Niall was trying to push Kendall off her perch and into the water but was failing epically. 

Harry leaned back on his hands, looking ahead with a straight face. “Tattoos show who you are as a person, they’re a reflection of everything one has been through.” Harry told him, sneaking a glance in Louis’ direction.“You were a part of my life.”

Louis tried not to combust, tried not to show the emotions he was feeling on his face. Louis cleared his throat. “Keyword were.” 

“Why are you trying to push me away?” Harry groaned, eyes slightly pleading. 

“Because I don’t understand why we should be anything else but strangers who used to date,” Louis said, exasperated. 

“We were best friends, first.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, water droplets falling onto his shoulders. “And we promised each other it wouldn’t get like this.” He added. 

“We were stupid.” Louis deflected. 

“We’re just gonna keep running into each other.”

“Not if I stay inside my apartment for the rest of my life.”

“Ha.” Harry deadpanned. 

They sat there in silence for a few moments, not looking at each other. Louis felt like he should hold his breath like if he didn’t this would all come crashing down. He cherished the moments where they weren’t at each other's throats when he didn’t have to pretend like he genuinely didn't want Harry close. If Louis knew one thing, it was that he couldn’t come off as weak. Harry was in the position of power. He had a girlfriend to return to when he was tired of playing games. Louis had nothing. 

He was defenceless. 

“I’m not stupid,” Louis spoke up. “I know we’re probably going to keep running into each other.” 

Harry’s ears perked up. “So, what's the problem?” He asked. 

“I just don't think we need to label what we are, ya know?” Louis told him. “Friends, not friends, strangers.” He let out a cough between words. “Can we just exist, for once?” 

Harry smiled at him. “Sure. We can just exist.”

The truth was, and Louis knew it, that he had always existed just for Harry. 

Twenty minutes later, as the sun was beginning to set, Louis wrapped himself around Zayn. Without hesitating, Zayn hugged back, slimy limbs pressed together under the water. 

“Seems like that went well,” Zayn said in a hushed tone, referencing Louis and Harry’s chat. 

Louis shrugged, “As well as can be expected.” He told him, admiring the way Zayn’s eyes glimmered in the golden light. 

“So Larry Stylinson isn’t back together?” Zayn joked. 

Louis slapped him on the shoulder, trying to stifle a laugh. “No. And we never will be.” He said, slowly convincing himself that that was true. 

Zayn shook his head in response, shaggy hair throwing water in all directions. Zayn let out a bark of a laugh. 

“What’re you, a dog?” Louis teased, pushing Zayn away from him. 

Zayn continued to shake his hair in Louis' face, a continuous cackle leaving his mouth. Louis tried, as much as he could in the waist-deep water, to run away, but managed to topple over, head breaking the water first. 

Louis heard Eleanor let out a large yelp from the side of the pool before he was completely submerged by the water. He opened his eyes briefly while he was under, looking around at everyone's legs. He could see Eleanor and Kendall’s feet from where they sat, Niall, standing next to them. Liam and Harry were off to the other side, their waists completely visible. Louis could see the glint of something silver on Harry’s wrist, a bracelet? He breached the surface, hiding his red cheeks behind his wet hair. 

Zayn laughed loudly. “Mate, you totally wrecked yourself, there.”

Louis pushed back his hair from his face, glaring intensely in Zayn’s direction. He could hear the others laughing as well, which made his cheeks flush even more. 

Above all, he could hear Harry’s deep laugh from behind him. He refused to turn around, to give attention to the breathtaking noise. Instead, he rolled his eyes, playing it off like it didn’t just majorly bruise his ego. 

“I was thinking…” Louis started as he approached Zayn, being very careful not to topple over again. “I want a tattoo.” He whined. 

Zayn watched Louis, amusement written on his face. “Do you?” He asked. 

Louis nodded, hopping up to sit down next to Zayn on the side of the pool. He watched Harry out of the corner of his eye, watched the way he was drying his hair with a towel. His fingers twitched, getting the urge to reach out and touch. 

Louis cleared his throat loudly. “Yes. We should go, now.” 

Zayn and Liam exchanged a strange look, not inexperienced with Louis’ weird mood swings. “Okay…” Liam spoke slowly. “I guess that could be fun.” 

“It will be fun Liam!” Louis said enthusiastically while jumping to his feet. 

“You coming, Niall? Harry? Girls?” Liam asked as Louis attempted to dry himself off with Zayn’s towel. 

Zayn snatched it from him, “Leech.” 

Louis batted his eyelashes at Zayn, “I don't want to be wet.” He pleaded to which Zayn rolled his eyes and handed back the towel. 

“I hate you.” He mumbled. 

Everyone decided to tag along, gathering their things, and ordering Lyfts as they trembled from the cold outside the gates of the pool. 

Harry stood next to Louis, so close that Louis could feel the heat radiating off his body. “What’re you gonna get?” Harry asked him. 

It was almost completely dark out, and the fact that Louis couldn’t see Harry or the way he was looking at him, put him slightly at ease. He debated on whether or not to make a joke, to tell him he was covering up one of their tattoos, but he didn’t. Everything was still too fragile, too new. 

“Something meaningful,” Louis told him, staring at the ground.

“Well, duh.” Harry smiled, hair falling into his eyes. Louis instinctively reached forward, tucking it behind Harry’s ear. 

His breath caught in his throat, mortified. He was sure that everyone had seen, that everyone was judging him for doing something so fucking naive and stupid. But, when he looked around, no one was paying any attention to them, they were all caught up in their own conversations. 

“Duh,” Louis said under his breath, his hand clenching into a fist at his side. 

The Lyft's all arrived at the same time and Louis climbed in alongside Niall, Zayn, and Liam. Liam sat in the front, casually talking to the driver. Louis said nothing, head pressed against the window. He welcomed the cool, the way it numbed the skin it touched. Everything passed his eyes in a flash, buildings blending together with other buildings. He suddenly wanted to be high again, to feel as numb as the skin on his forehead felt. Louis squeezed his eyes shut, the world spinning too fast around him. Harry appeared on the backs of his eyelids, the memories dancing around in his mind like they had the right to be there, to haunt him like they did. 

The car stopped. 

“We’re here, Lou.” Zayn’s voice seeped through the haze in his brain. 

Louis opened his eyes. Zayn and Niall were already standing outside. Liam turned around in the front seat, staring at him. Louis laughed, played it off like it was nothing. But, the concern didn’t leave Liam’s face. Instead, it grew stronger, planted itself on there, and grew roots. 

Louis floated into the tattoo parlor, seeing Kendall and Eleanor standing inside, eyes focused on a book full of artwork. He scanned the room, Harry nowhere to be found. 

Good. 

“He left,” Kendall told him as he approached. “Said he wasn’t feeling well.”

“Yeah, figured,” Louis responded, forcing himself to smile back at her. 

Kendall and Eleanor went first, getting matching tattoos of their wedding date on their collarbones. It was Eleanor’s first tattoo, Louis could tell by the way her muscles tensed up. 

Liam went after, adding a small design among his sketchbook of others, barely flinching as the needle reached his skin. 

Niall watched in amazement, continually asking how it didn’t hurt (it did). Of course, he didn’t get one. 

Then Zayn and Louis went. 

Louis had decided months ago as he sat across Zayn with a blunt in his hand that Zayn was his best friend and possibly his soulmate too. When Louis had asked Zayn to get a matching tattoo with him, he hadn’t hesitated. 

It took four hours for them all to get their tattoos and by the time they left, the sun was rising. The sky was a hazy orange, setting all the building afire. 

“Can we come to yours?” Louis asked Zayn, hands shoved into his pockets. His arm burned slightly and when he moved he could feel the pull of the wrap that protected his newly broken skin. 

Zayn scoffed. “Are you guys a “we” now?” He asked, gesturing to Niall who was standing beside them, looking like a lost puppy. 

“In this situation, yeah,” Louis confirmed. 

“Of course you can both come,” Zayn told him. He turned, “Liam, you coming?” 

Liam shook his head.“No, can’t. I have to go to work now.” 

“Now?” Niall squawked eyes widened in surprise. 

“Yeah, I’m dumb don’t rub it in.” Liam chuckled. 

Back at Zayn’s apartment, they all crawled into bed together. Louis didn’t think too hard about it, how none of them questioned the intimate action. Louis’ muscles ached and he felt at ease as he sank into the mattress.   
Minutes later Niall’s snore radiated throughout Zayn’s bedroom, filling the corners. Zayn laughed quietly, turning to face Louis. They stared at each other, inches apart. 

“I’ve missed you.” Zayn whispered. 

“I’ve missed you too.” Louis echoed.


	14. House Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi !!
> 
> I'm sorry this took a while but with everything going on online I was debating on whether or not to keep writing. But I've decided to continue for now!
> 
> This chapter gets a little weird but I hope you all like it.

It had been three weeks since that day in the pool. Louis’ tattoo had almost completely healed and whenever he passed by a mirror, he stopped to admire it. 

Louis had started to feel as if he had done all he could in London. Like, nothing else would happen and he would be stuck, just as he is, for the rest of his life. He replaced the thoughts with weed, with mindless drinking. He had started to spend most of his time with Eleanor, going out to clubs after work and dancing until the sun rose. Liam had been blowing up his phone with concerned texts, always demanding Louis to call him when he got home, just to make sure he hadn’t died. 

He wasn’t at rock bottom. Rock bottom was three months ago when he couldn’t get out of bed. 

Today, Louis was bored. It was a Sunday and he was hungover from the night before. He had spent the day with Niall, Eleanor, and Kendall at a gay club. He vaguely remembered pushing some random dude against the wall and shoving his tongue down his throat, but it hadn’t gone any further from there. Louis hadn’t been able to bring himself to hook up with anyone lately, it made him feel empty and worse than if he just dealt with his loneliness. 

His phone buzzed, thinking it was Niall or Eleanor, he picked it up. 

Harry: Throwing a party next weekend. Come?

Louis looked down at his phone, stunned. He hadn’t heard from Harry since he had left suddenly at the tattoo parlor. His thumbs danced over the screen, again, lost for words. 

Louis: No

Louis threw his phone down, rubbing his eyes. He wasn’t just going to give into Harry’s weirdness. He wasn’t going to. Not this time.   
Harry: Why

Louis looked at the screen, exasperated. What in the actual fuck was wrong with this boy? Rolling his eyes, he typed a response. 

Louis: I’m busy next weekend

Harry: I didn’t tell you what day…

So, Harry was really going to play dumb?

Louis: It doesn’t matter.

Harry: Stop being stubborn

Louis: I’m not.

Harry: Please?

Louis: Are you actually begging?

Harry: Ya

Louis forced himself not to smile, texting Harry a final word and setting down his phone. 

Louis: Fine.

Two days later and Louis was on the phone with Niall, attempting to convince him to come to the party with him. For some reason, he was being an ass about it. 

“I don’t want to be used, Lou.” Niall groaned. 

Louis pursed his lips, hands on his hips as he paced around his apartment.“I am so not using you.” He said. 

“He hates me,” Niall stated. 

“He doesn’t…” 

“Yes he does, he literally sends me death glares.”

Louis sighed, looking out the window. “Okay, well he’s an ass. And I’ll make him behave.”

“Kinky.” 

“That’s not...That’s not what I meant.”

Niall paused to laugh at his own joke before asking, “Won't Liam and Zayn be there? Eleanor and Kendall?”

“Yeah, but. I don't know.” Louis whined. 

“You want me there.”

“I want you there.” He confirmed. 

“Fine, then I’ll be there. We can meet at my apartment.”

Louis grinned. “Thank you, Niall.” He rushed before hanging up the phone. 

The morning of, Louis decided to do yoga for the first time. He put on grey sweats as well as a maroon tank top that hung loosely off his body. His face skewed in concentration, watching the woman in the youtube video closely. She had her arms above her head, legs in a lunged position. He was barely managing to balance himself as he tried to copy the move, heels digging into his new yoga mat. 

Louis groaned, he had only done three moves but his back was already sweating, his AC unable to cool him. He was trying to follow Liam's directions, to do something calming that wasn’t getting high or going out to the bar. So far, everything he had tried sucked. 

The only good things in his life were his job and his boys and he knew he was doing shitty at keeping them both.

Louis also knew that it was probably because of Harry. 

After the fifth move, he gave up, letting himself fall to the floor. His chest heaved, he was really really out of shape. Rolling over, he picked up his phone, reading a text from Liam asking him how he was doing. Louis rolled his eyes, responding with some half-assed comment about how much yoga sucked. Liam texted back with a “haha” that Louis knew was sarcastic. 

Five hours later, Louis arrived at Niall’s flat. He liked Niall’s place, probably even more than his own, it was cozy and always warm and really, really reminded him of his nan's place. 

When he arrived, he sat down on the couch where he had once slept, waiting for Niall to finish getting ready (because it always took him way too long to do his hair). His phone buzzed, showing a notification from the king himself. 

Harry: Are you coming?

Louis: Yes.

Harry: When?

Louis: Soon, picking someone up. 

Harry: Who?

Louis scoffed, deciding not to respond. He wasn’t going to enable Harry’s weird possessive behavior, he just wasn’t. 

Niall popped his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from his mouth. Louis furrowed his eyebrows, “Looking cute, Niall.” Louis said through a laugh. 

Niall responded with a middle finger, retreating back into the bathroom. Louis’ phone buzzed again. 

Harry: ??

Louis turned off his phone. 

The party was crowded, the flat filled with bodies. Louis looked around, attempting to find anyone he knew. He was met with the eyes of strangers, all glazing over him as if they couldn’t care less of his existence. Niall stood by his side, once again out staging him in the fashion department. Louis did feel like his hair looked exceptionally good tonight, though. 

Louis found Eleanor in the kitchen, her back pressed up against the counter with a beer in hand. He smiled, ease washing over him. She looked good, as always. She was wearing a white button-down, tucked into jeans, her hair tucked behind her ears to show off silver earrings. They approached, Niall’s arm clasped in Louis’. 

“Hi!” Eleanor greeted them, her face lighting up. 

Louis grinned. “Hi, El.” He responded, grabbing a beer from beside the fridge. “Is Kendall here?” He asked. 

“No, she had work today, stayed home,” Eleanor told him, not quite meeting his eyes. Louis nodded, sipping his beer as he watched her. Something was off. 

The following fifteen minutes passed by painfully slowly. Niall and Eleanor talked about nothing, beer beginning to collectively fog their brains. Louis tapped his fingers against the glass bottle, feeling anxious for no reason at all. He felt like he was waiting for something, or something was waiting for him. 

A group entered the kitchen, loud voices disrupting the calm atmosphere. Harry was in the middle, his hair hidden under a baseball cap. 

Really? 

Louis searched for Camille but didn’t find her, eyes returning to Eleanor’s face. She was looking at him, confused. 

“Sorry, did you say something?” Louis asked, clearing his throat.

Niall laughed softly. “She asked what we’re doing after this.”

Louis blushed, embarrassed. “Oh, nothing. Nothing right?” He looked to Niall for confirmation. 

Niall nodded. “Yeah, nothing.”

Louis’ eyes flickered towards Harry again, who was now standing feet away. He was wearing tight jeans along with a black t-shirt as usual. It was so simple but Louis felt his throat close up. He looked away before Harry could catch him staring. 

“I’m going to something else after this, you both should come,” Eleanor said. 

“Yeah, we’re in,” Louis responded absentmindedly. 

It didn’t take long for Harry to slide over towards them, his ring clad fingers gripping onto his drink. Louis gulped, attempting to hide the panic on his face. It had gotten so much harder to be around him. It was as if a magnetic pull was forcing Louis towards the other boy, and it took everything in him to not give in. 

“Hello.” He said smoothly, voice cool. 

Louis said nothing, letting everyone else join in on the conversation, blending himself into the background. He watched Harry’s mouth form words, slow and precise. 

“Glad to see you could make it,” Harry said suddenly, eyes pointed at Louis. 

Louis squinted up at him, suddenly very aware of how close they were. “Yeah, well. I never turn down a good party.” He shrugged. 

Harry smiled, “So you’re having fun?” He asked earnestly. 

“Sure,” Louis told him slowly. 

“You brought Ireland,” Harry said under his breath, Niall standing on the other side of Louis. 

“Who you need to be nice to,” Louis ordered.

Harry pouted, his green eyes shimmering slightly. “I am nice.” He whined.

“C’mon Styles, we know that’s not true.” Louis countered. 

Harry’s grin drooped, “I’ll play nice. For you.” 

“Thanks, I guess,” Louis mumbled, sweat forming on his palms. 

“You wanna smoke? We can go to the roof.” Harry asked after a moment, pulling two joints from his pocket. 

Louis bit the inside of his cheek, the anxiety still sitting painfully in his stomach. “Okay, but Niall and Eleanor are coming with us.”

“Of course,” Harry responded through his teeth, obviously annoyed. 

They all followed Harry to the roof, grabbing extra beers. It was cold outside, but the sky was clear so there was no chance of it raining. There were a couple of people already up there, cigarettes being passed between mouths and the soft scent of weed wafting over their heads. They stood in a circle, almost shoulder to shoulder as the stars hung above their heads. 

Harry lit the joint, his lips wrapped around the end. Louis tried not to focus on how effortlessly beautiful it made him look, the flicker from the lighter casting golden shadows on his cheeks. Harry took the first hit, then Eleanor, then Niall, and then Louis. As he took it into his hands he realized it had been almost a week since he’d last smoked. He had been so caught up in everything else. In work, in yoga (ha), in his friends, that he had slowly stopped turning to weed and drinking to make himself feel better. Liam was right, for once. 

Well, except for right now. 

Louis inhaled the smoke slowly, letting himself feel everything at once. 

“Slow down there, bud.” Niall laughed as Louis took another hit. “Don't want you passing out on me.” He joked. 

Louis laughed softly, making a point not to look at Harry, who he could feel was glaring bullets into Niall’s blonde head. 

“The stars are so pretty tonight,” Eleanor said, her face pointed towards the horizon. The moonlight highlighted her jaw, which was clenched slightly. 

“I love this view,” Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I come up here at night all the time lately, just to watch the world sleep. It’s stupid but what else am I going to do?” 

“Spend time with your girlfriend?” Louis regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He looked down at his feet, knowing he made things incredibly awkward. 

Niall coughed uncomfortably and Louis saw Eleanor shifting from foot to foot. 

“Yeah, I do that too,” Harry responded. Louis looked up at his face, which looked back at him calm and collected, seemingly unbothered. 

“That’s...Good.” Louis fumbled over his words, his mouth beginning to dry up from the weed. 

Louis decided to bite his tongue, to hold himself back from asking where exactly Camille was tonight. Instead, he took the joint into his fingers again, taking a smooth hit. 

He was already starting to feel the effects, his eyelids heavy. Louis shivered as he handed the joint to Harry, who was now avoiding eye contact. 

“I’m sorry,” Louis told him, his voice low so only Harry could hear. “I shouldn’t have said anything, don’t know why I did.” He added. “Just...You know.” 

Harry raised his eyebrows in anticipation. “Do I?” He questioned. 

“Maybe not.” Louis shrugged and looked away, heat creeping up the back of his neck. 

Harry smirked, the joint still pliant between his fingers. “It’s okay. I can handle a little jealousy.” 

Louis opened his mouth and closed it quickly, realizing it made him look like a fish.“It’s not-” He started but Harry cut him off. 

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Harry nodded, a small smile still visible on his face. 

Louis turned away, trying to not read too hard into his words. He looked to Niall, who was saying something quietly to Eleanor. He felt alone suddenly, surrounded by strangers and his ex fucking boyfriend. He said nothing, his lips locked together. His brain was feeling crowded, too much going on at once. Louis tried not to think too much about how high he was, how his brain felt like mush, or how he couldn’t feel his fingertips. 

Instead, he focused on the way Eleanor was twirling her hair and the way Niall was laughing. Loudly, always so loudly. He focused on how he could feel Harry’s arm against his, how close he was standing. How he didn’t feel like he was so far away from Harry anymore. Physically and emotionally, that is. 

They finished the joint quickly after, quickly returning to the apartment for some warmth. There were still as many people, if not more, crowded inside. 

“You wanna go?” Eleanor asked, lips close to his ear. 

He looked at her, almost in slow motion, nodding quickly. He grabbed Niall’s hand as Eleanor led them out of the apartment. 

He didn’t bother to say goodbye to Harry. 

The party Eleanor took them to was much bigger. She seemed to like her house parties, filled with strangers and twinkling lights. It was loud, almost too loud, and the sound radiated off the walls so intensely Louis could feel it in his bones. 

Louis quickly found a couch, plopping himself down. Eleanor had gone to find her friend and Niall a bathroom, so he was alone for the time being. Alone and very, very high. He looked to his left, finding a girl sitting next to him. She had golden hair that reached her shoulders and piercing eyes. Louis thought she would make a good pop star, she was that kind of beautiful. 

“Hi.” She giggled, showing off a row of pearly white teeth.

Louis shuddered, “Hey.” 

“I’m Taylor.” She introduced herself, a manicured hand shaking his softly. 

“I’m Louis.” He told her, not sure if the words were loud enough for her to hear. 

Taylor seemed to understand though, and she nodded, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth thoughtfully. 

“Who do you know here?” She asked him suddenly, almost accusatory. 

“My friend Eleanor brought me so no one really.” He admitted, feeling his high start to slowly fade away. 

She looked at him and smiled slightly. “Eleanor Calder?” 

Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah. She’s lovely.”

“She is,” Taylor confirmed, leaning slightly towards Louis. 

Her lips were a dark red and the way she spoke was inviting, drawing him in. 

Louis cleared his throat, pushing any impure thoughts to the back of his mind.“Who do you know here?” He asked.

“Myself.” She grinned. 

Louis had absolutely no idea what she meant but nodded anyway. “Right.”

“It’s my house.” She clarified, laughing slightly. 

Louis’ eyes widened, slightly embarrassed that he hadn’t caught on.“Oh, oh. Okay.” He was nervous for some reason, nervous, and slightly turned on. 

He liked girls too, just as Harry did. But it was rare that any caught his attention. If we’re talking percentages it was almost 90% men and 10% women. But girls were beautiful, smart, and almost always kinder. 

Taylor leaned forward. She was close enough that he could see the spots where her mascara was smudged. He wanted to reach forward and wipe them away, but he didn’t want to be the first one to make the move. He wanted her to call the shots. 

And she did. 

Taylor’s lips pressed against his, soft and slightly cold. He let himself enjoy it, finding his fingers tangled in her hair. He thought of nothing else as they kissed, only how her mouth tasted like wine coolers and cigarettes and how he kind of enjoyed it.


	15. Unexpected Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love angst

Louis pulled away from the kiss, his hand still resting on the side of her face. She smiled back, slow and reassuring. 

“Hi.” She whispered, her voice sending ripples down his spine. 

“Hi.” He responded, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. 

“You have nice lips,” Taylor told him, tracing Louis’ bottom lip with her pointer finger. 

“So do you.” 

“You wanna get out of here?” Taylor asked. 

“Yeah.”

They ended up back at Louis’ place, hands rapidly exploring each other in the darkness of his flat. He sent a quick text to Eleanor and Niall, explaining where the hidden key was and to crash at his later if they needed. 

Louis and Taylor fell asleep on top of each other, curled up under the covers. 

Louis was woken up abruptly by a loud knock on the door. The light was streaming in through the windows, indicating it was almost midday. He stumbled out of bed, almost yapping in fear as he saw Taylor asleep in his bed. She looked peaceful like that, dreaming and unaware. He took a moment to look at her before he was interrupted by another knock. He left the bedroom, laughing to himself as he saw Niall passed out on the couch, Eleanor on the floor beneath him. 

What a gentleman.

He rubbed his eyes, opening the door slowly, worried a cop was standing on the other side or even worse, his father. 

“You left.” Were the first words he heard as he opened the door. 

So, no. Not a cop. Instead, Harry. 

Harry fucking Styles was standing in the hallway, hands on his hips, looking like a wounded animal. 

Louis groaned. “Hi, Harry.” He mumbled, walking back into his apartment. 

Harry followed him inside blindly, “Why’d you leave?” He asked again, eyes traveling over the sleeping people in his living room. “Because of Niall?”

“No, not because of Niall.” Louis glared at Harry, already tired of his immaturity. 

“Then why?” Harry asked, his eyes boring into the back of Louis’ head, who was now focused on making coffee. 

“Eleanor suggested we go to a different party, so we did,” Louis explained. 

Harry stayed silent for a moment. “You didn’t say goodbye.” He said, his voice more muted than before. 

Louis turned around to face him, realizing that yet again he was standing in a kitchen, almost naked in front of his ex-boyfriend. “No, I didn’t,” Louis confirmed. 

“Why?” 

“I didn’t think I had to.”

Niall sturred on the couch, a soft groan leaving his throat. Eleanor was still dead asleep, her head resting on one of the couch pillows and her body covered in a towel that she had probably found in his bathroom. 

“Why is Eleanor here?” Harry asked.

“We’re friends,” Louis told him, pouring the coffee into a mug. “Also you’re going to wake everyone up.” 

Harry stood there awkwardly for a moment, playing with his fingers. Louis watched him, beginning to feel slightly unsettled. “I don't know why I’m here,” Harry admitted. 

Louis swallowed deeply. “Okay. That’s okay.” He told him softly, not wanting to scare him away. 

Louis flinched slightly as he heard a noise from his bedroom. What would Harry even do if he saw Taylor walk out? Harry’s eyes narrowed slightly towards the direction of the bedroom, his body tensing. 

“Is someone else here?” Harry asked, his voice low. 

Louis cracked his knuckles, heart beating loudly in his chest. “Yes, Harry, someone else is here.”  
“Who?” 

“I met her at the party last night.”

Harry’s eyes darkened and Louis could sense the atmosphere had changed.“Did you fuck her while Niall and Eleanor were sleeping out here?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't ask me shit like that. Also no, I’m not a fucking pervert.” Louis spat at him, not worried about waking anyone up anymore. 

“Maybe I should just leave.” Harry murmured. 

Louis rolled his eyes, exasperated. “Yeah, probably.” 

Before either of them can say anything else Eleanor sat up, her eyes alarmed. Her makeup was smudged around her eyes, hair matted to her face. She looked like an absolute mess. When she took in the scene in front of her, her mouth formed into an O.

“Everything okay?” She questioned, her voice scratchy from lack of sleep. 

“Yeah. Yeah. We’re fine.” Louis waved her away dismissively. “Harry was just leaving.” 

“You don’t want to stay for breakfast?” She asked Harry, obliviously. 

Harry bit his lip, looking as if he was almost on the verge of tears. “I don’t think Louis wants me here.”

“Harry…” Louis didn’t know what to do. Harry was standing in front of him, looking completely lost. He didn’t want Harry to be sad, he really didn’t. As much as he tried to hate him there wasn’t a bone in his body that could. 

“I’m gonna get into the shower,” Eleanor said awkwardly as she stood up. Louis threw her a nod, barely paying attention. 

Louis took a step towards Harry, reaching out to tug on one of Harry’s curls. “You can stay for breakfast. I think Kendall’s coming over and maybe Zayn later? We’re just gonna hang out.” 

Harry looked up at him from under his eyelashes. “Do you want me here?” He asked under his breath. 

Louis smiled, dropping his hand to his side. “I don't, not want you here,” Louis said honestly. 

“What about the girl?” Harry remembered, his face suddenly losing all softness. 

Louis took a step back, almost wounded. “I don't know Harry, we barely talked.” He shrugged, suddenly annoyed again. 

“Ew.” Harry scrunched up his nose. 

Louis snorted, returning to his cup of coffee. “Don’t act like you don’t go home every night and have sex with Camille.” 

Harry opened his mouth to retort but was stopped by Taylor walking into the room in Louis’ boxers and one of his shirts. Louis’ face flushed quickly, unable to speak. 

“Hi,” Taylor said hesitantly, wrapping her arms around herself. 

Harry said nothing, a cold expression on his face. He walked into the kitchen, making himself right at home, and opening the fridge. 

Louis watched Harry rummage around, slightly stunned. “Good morning. Do you want some coffee?” He said, throwing a reassuring smile at Taylor. 

“Uh, yeah sure.” She nodded. 

Niall woke up suddenly, tripping over his limbs to get to the kitchen. He slumped into a chair, eyes almost closed. Louis tapped Niall lightly on the head, “Wake up you nerd.” He told him, needing some moral support.

Niall looked up at him, a sloppy smile on his face. It dropped when he took in the scene in front of him. He groaned, letting his head fall into his hands. Louis laughed quietly, feeling exactly how Niall looked. 

Harry continued to look through the fridge, ignoring Taylor’s presence entirely. She stood there, arms still crossed with a pained expression on her face. 

“Where’s Eleanor?” Taylor asked after a moment. 

“Showering,” Louis told her as he handed her a hot cup of coffee. 

She took it thankfully, some tension leaving her shoulders. “Is there a reason you’re mostly naked?” Taylor asked him, her voice light and teasing. 

“I was surprised by Harry’s lovely presence this morning and didn’t get a chance to change.” Louis glanced at Harry, who had closed the fridge and was now scrolling intently through his phone. 

“I’m Taylor by the way.” She introduced herself to the two other boys in the kitchen. 

Niall raised his head to meet her eyes, “I’m Niall, that’s Harry, he’s gone mute apparently.” He told her, waving his hand at Harry. 

“I have not,” Harry mumbled. 

“Okay, so he’s pouting.” Niall countered. 

“We aren’t friends, Ireland.” Harry spat, glaring daggers at Niall. 

“Harry!” Louis exclaimed, surprised (for some reason) at how rude he was acting. 

Niall rolled his eyes. “Oh, I promise I know that.” He said, looking bored.

“Is Harry friends with anyone here?” Taylor asked suddenly, making Niall chuckle and shake his head. 

“Not really, no. He just randomly showed up at my door and I decided to be nice and let him in.” Louis joked, sitting down in the chair next to Niall. 

“He’s lying,” Harry said. 

Taylor raised her eyebrows at him, looking unimpressed. “Could have fooled me.” She responded. 

Louis smiled softly, admiring at how well she carried herself. She was definitely not afraid of confrontation. 

“Who are you?” Harry asked, his tone short, finally looking at her. 

“Jesus Christ,” Louis mumbled, Niall, looking pained next to him. 

“I’m Taylor. Eleanor’s friend and now Louis’ friend.” She told Harry without hesitation. 

Harry studied her for a moment like he was sizing her up. “I’m Lou’s ex.” He said coldly. 

“Now it all makes sense.” Taylor laughed, taking another sip of coffee. 

The tension was cut by Eleanor entering the room, looking fresh and awake. She grinned at Taylor, pulling her into a hug. 

“Good morning boys.” She announced, her hair wet and tucked behind her ears. 

“I call the next shower!” Niall announced, almost running away from the kitchen. Louis flipped off his back, annoyed at him for leaving him alone. 

“I’ll start making breakfast,” Eleanor said, suspicion quickly filling her voice. She threw a look towards Louis, probably finally catching on at how tense the room was. 

The next hour went by in painful fragments, Eleanor made bacon and eggs as Harry moped in the corner, eyes fixed on his phone. Niall took over an hour to shower (which...ew). Louis was beginning to feel as if he was living in a co-ed frat house with all the people coming in and out. Kendall showed up later, planting a soft kiss on the side of Eleanor’s head. Eleanor barely looked at her, further signaling something was off between them. Louis and Taylor barely talked, mostly just co-existed. He couldn’t tell if she was mad that his ex was in his house the morning after they had sex or if she just wasn’t a talkative person. The weird looks Eleanor was giving him made it think it was the first option. 

It was two hours later when Taylor announced that she was leaving. Harry snorted quietly from his spot on the couch where he was watching a movie with Kendall and Eleanor. 

“Uh, okay.” Louis stuttered, unsure what he was supposed to say. 

“Can we talk for a second?” Taylor asked him, looking slightly nervous.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” Louis nodded, leading her back into his bedroom. 

Taylor sat down at the end of his bed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Louis sat down next to her, waiting patiently for her to start talking. 

“So this morning has been weird.” She started, the words falling out of her mouth slowly.

Louis looked down at his feet, paying attention to how his heart was beating in his chest. “Yeah, I’m sorry.” He spoke, ashamed.

“Harry is interesting,” Taylor said through a laugh, her eyes glinting. 

“He’s a dick.”

Taylor furrowed her eyebrows. “But you let him stay.” She said as if that meant something. 

“I didn’t want to kick him out.”

“Right.” She chuckled, obviously not believing a word that was coming out of his mouth. 

Louis swallowed deeply. “It was nice to meet you last night but I’m not looking for a relationship. I am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.” He said in one breath. 

Taylor quickly rolled her eyes, pulling a funny face. “No, Louis that’s not what I’m saying. I had fun too but you need to realize something about that boy out there sitting on your couch.” 

Louis’ eyes widened. “What? What do you mean?”He asked, his voice rushed. 

“He’s obviously still in love with you.” She told him. 

Louis’ heartbeat quickly in his chest, his palms becoming sweaty. “No, he isn’t. He just likes playing games. He has a girlfriend, I met her.” He explained. 

“Does any of that really make any sense?” Taylor asked him, her eyebrows raised. “I saw the way he looked at you.” She added. 

“What?”

Taylor gave him a look that was stuck between exasperated and bored. “He looks at you like you’ll disappear any second if he takes his eyes off you.” She told him. 

Louis shook his head rapidly. “That’s not real. People don’t just look at each other like that. It’s not real.” 

Louis felt almost sick. This wasn’t right. Everything felt wrong. His one-time hookup shouldn’t be the one telling him this. It should be Harry. Harry just shouldn’t have left and Louis just shouldn’t have cheated. It was that simple, really. 

“You can’t deny what’s right in front of you,” Taylor told him quietly. 

Louis let out a short laugh, continuing to deny everything. He wasn’t going to let himself believe it.“You...You don't know him, though. This is what he does. He wants what he can't have. That's it.” He rushed. 

“I can’t convince you, I really can't. But I’m just telling you what I am seeing.”


	16. The Truth

Louis hadn’t been able to get the conversation he had had with Taylor out of his mind all week. Before, he had managed to demote Harry to an afterthought, something he remembered while he was showering. But now, he was everything again. He was what he thought of when he woke up when he went to sleep even when he was taking a shit. Louis was right back where he was months ago, heartbroken and miserable. 

He realized that he had probably felt this way all along, that he had only somehow managed to compartmentalize his feelings. But now they were in everything he did, the slow seeping of sadness in every movement he made. 

Louis hadn’t seen anyone in over a week, shutting off his phone and hiding it under his sink. He took vacation time from work, not answering when he heard Liam or Niall at the door. He spoke to Zayn once through the peephole, just letting him know that he was alive. He told him he was sick, that he didn’t want anyone else to catch it. 

And part of that was true, he didn’t want anyone to be around him. He was sad, lonely, and such a fucking dick. Louis didn’t want to make anyone else feel that way too. 

On the eighth day, someone broke into his house. 

Louis is sat on his bed, computer propped up so he can see it from where he is laying. He’s already on the fourth season of Supernatural. He had been watching it for a week straight, barely sleeping. The only time he got up from his bed were for the bathroom, coffee, or whatever food he could manage. Usually, it was a handful of almonds or toast. 

Truly, it was like all the pain had come back. And more than anything he was scared, terrified about what Taylor’s words actually meant. 

He didn’t know how to process any of it, didn’t even know where to start. 

So instead, he got high and watched Netflix and tried not to think too much about anything. 

Louis was pressing play on the next episode when he heard his front door open. He shot up in bed, anxiety running through his veins. Louis got out of bed slowly, the sound of someone’s shoes radiating throughout the quiet apartment. He tried to reach for his phone, but then quickly realized that it was dead under the sink. He cursed himself for that decision. 

He reached for his lamp, needing something to defend himself with. As he was about to open his bedroom door, the intruder did it for him. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Louis glared at Niall, who had literally just broken into his fucking house. He looked unbothered like he hadn’t just scared the shit out of Louis. 

Niall ignored Louis’ harsh words, pushing past him and sitting on Louis’ bed. “Hey, I came to check on you!” He basically yelled. 

Louis rubbed his eyes, his heart still beating anxiously in his chest. “By breaking into my house?” He asked, annoyed. 

“You wouldn’t have let me in.” Niall shrugged. 

Louis sighed. “No…”

“So, I had to get creative,” Niall said, looking around the room. He scrunched up his nose, probably smelling the days worth of dirty plates and weed. 

“I’m fine, really. But thanks.” Louis said, crossing his arms. 

Niall almost rolled his eyes but stopped himself instead putting on a look of concern. “You’re not though. And you’re obviously not sick.” Niall said. 

“I am.” 

“Dude, come on.” Niall almost pleaded. 

“What? What do you want me to say?” Louis’ tone raised. He was getting frustrated. He didn’t want anyone to help him. He was fine on his own. And he wasn’t going to drag people into his mess again. Not after everything with Zayn. He was done using people for his emotional dumping. 

“We’re all worried about you,” Niall said under his breath. 

Louis raised his arms in defeat. “Is this some kind of one-man intervention? You’re all talking about me behind my back now?” 

“We just care about you,” Niall repeated. 

Louis snorted, looking at his bare feet. “Yeah, right.”

Niall paused. “What happened the day Harry was here?” He asked after a few moments. 

Louis leaned against the door frame, “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.” He shook his head. 

“Louis...You can’t keep living like this.” 

Louis laughed harshly. “I know. I’m not stupid.”

“Please let me help you.” Niall stood up from the bed, closing the distance between them. “Please.” He repeated. 

Louis continued to stare at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact. Niall was making it worse. He didn’t want this attention. He wanted to be alone and high and not dealing with any of this bullshit. Louis shook his head, scoffing quietly to himself. Niall stood there, unmoving. 

“I don’t need this right now,” Louis said, turning away. 

Louis walked into the kitchen, needing to be alone for a moment. He leaned against the counter, breathing slowly in and out. Niall stayed not too far behind, silently. 

“What do you need?” Niall asked after a couple of minutes. 

Louis didn’t look at him. “Nothing I-” 

Niall cut him off before he could finish.“Just fucking quit it, dude. I know you’re not okay. We all know it. You can't keep pushing us away. I know we just became good friends but you can trust me. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care. I definitely wouldn’t have broken in.” The words came out quickly like he had been waiting to say them for weeks. 

“Niall…” Louis looked up at him through his eyelashes, his stomach twisting. 

Niall put his hand out again to stop Louis from talking. “I know it has to do with Harry because you’ve been off ever since that day. So you can’t hide that part from me.”

“I-” 

“You’re letting him control you,” Niall said, his expression steady. 

Louis bit his lip, afraid of the words that were about to come out of his mouth.“I want him back.” Louis said simply.

Niall smiled softly. “Then get him back.”

Two hours later and Louis is freshly showered, dressed, and sucking on a freshly lit joint. Niall is sitting across from him, hand outstretched and waiting to take a hit.

“You ready?” Niall questioned. 

“Not really,” Louis admitted, the smoke finding its way into his lungs with ease. 

Niall smirked at him. “You look great. I would bang you.” 

“Ew.” Louis wrinkled up his nose, putting out the joint before grabbing his keys. 

Niall had somehow convinced Louis to go out again. Louis wasn’t sure why he had given in but truly welcomed the distraction. After he had told Niall that he wanted Harry back Niall had attempted to come up with a detailed plan. But, Louis dismissed all of it. He was not going to get down on his knees and beg for Harry to take him back. That just wasn’t going to happen. 

Outside the club, they met up with Zayn and Liam. It was still early and the night was just getting started. 

There was a couple making out near the entrance. The girl had her fingers tangled in the boy's hair and Louis could hear soft moans escaping her mouth. It reminded him how horny he really was and how it had felt to be touched by another human being. 

Zayn and Liam didn’t say anything about how they hadn’t seen Louis in over a week. They smiled politely, and it seemed that everyone had collectively agreed to forgive him. It made Louis feel at ease like he didn’t have to make up for anything unspoken. 

As soon as they walked inside, Zayn pulled him away from the group. Louis waited expectantly for Zayn to say something but, he didn’t. Instead, he pulled him into a tight hug, his nose squashed against the side of Louis’ neck. Louis could feel Zayn’s breath coast over his collarbones and shivered slightly at the sensation. There still felt like so many things to say, so many apologies to make. 

“I love you,” Zayn mumbled into Louis’ skin. His voice sounded thick like he was about to cry.

Louis took a deep breath, “I love you too, Z.” He exhaled.

Zayn pulled away, his face flushed and almost embarrassed. He coughed, looking at Louis for a moment before smiling and shaking his head. “Why do you look so hot?” He questioned.

“I don’t know.” Louis shrugged bashfully. “Niall picked out my outfit.” 

Zayn said nothing, letting out a soft hum. They walked back to the group, where the boys were ordering drinks. Niall pushed one towards Louis, apparently already knowing his order. Louis smiled back at him thankfully before taking a sip. It was strong, and it burned on the way down. Louis welcomed the warmth in his belly, shivering slightly as it pooled in his stomach. 

Louis looked around the pub. For some reason, Niall had insisted that they come here. He had never been here, let alone heard of it. It looked too fancy and the seats at the booths were wrapped in white leather. Louis wondered how often they had to remove stains. All the tables were glass, and the people who sat around them all looked like they had the luxury of going out whenever they pleased. 

Louis was about to say something to Niall when someone sitting in a booth in the corner caught his eye. His face dropped and he suddenly felt weak. He wanted to smack and kiss Niall all at the same time (which wasn’t a new feeling). 

“Niall, you fucker.” He said through gritted teeth.

Niall turned to face him slowly, an eyebrow raised. “What did I do now?” He asked innocently. 

Louis pushed his shoulder with the palm of his hand, eyes still focused on the boy in the booth. He was facing away from him, so he would only see Louis if he turned his head. But, Louis knew those shoulders and that hair anywhere. 

Niall had brought Louis to this bar because he was invasive and because Harry was here. 

As Niall realized what Louis was talking about, his smile widened. Liam and Zayn sat there silently, probably unsure of what Louis was going to say next. They likely thought he was going to storm out. They had no idea what Louis had told Niall earlier. They still assumed he wanted Harry out of his life for good. 

“I hate you, seriously.” Louis groaned, cracking his knuckles compulsively. “Who is he with?” Louis asked, unable to see who else was sitting with him.

“Kendall and Eleanor. They brought him here.” Niall said cheekily. 

Louis’ eyes widened in surprise. “You’re working together?”

Niall just nodded, looking rather impressed with himself. Liam and Zayn looked at each other, lost.

Louis rolled his shoulders back, feeling tense. “I want him back.” Louis spilled for the second time that day, barely making eye contact with the two other boys.

“Oh.” Louis heard Zayn speak and when he looked up to face him, Zayn was smiling. “Finally.” He said, rolling his eyes. 

Louis didn’t know how to respond. He licked his lips slowly, looking at Zayn with a blank expression. The bad part of him was annoyed that Zayn seemed to care less. The good part of him knew that was irrational and unhealthy. Louis was trying as hard as he could to listen to the healthy part more lately. 

With that said, he planned to get blacked out tonight. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Louis chuckled, slightly embarrassed that now all eyes were on him. “I’m going to need another drink though.” Louis grinned sloppily. 

Two drinks later and Louis was attempting to work up the courage to go over and talk to Harry. It had been almost forty-five minutes and Harry hadn’t gotten up from his seat or turned his head. Eleanor and Kendall had successfully pretended that they had no idea what was going on despite Niall throwing signals at them every five minutes. 

“I'm going to go over now,” Louis said for about the fifth time. He was standing up now, fourth drink in hand. Zayn had his head on the counter, probably embarrassed for him. Liam was trying to hype him up, tell him how good he looked and that he was a strong independent man. None of it was really working. None of it was curing the anxiety balling in his stomach. 

Louis was about to turn around, about to walk over to the booth and just say hello when he saw Niall’s eyes widen. He froze, his bones turning to cement as he saw Zayn and Liam’s faces too. He knew what was coming, what had happened. 

“Guys! What are you doing here?” Harry’s voice boomed from behind him. 

Louis spun on his heel, the alcohol making his limbs feel looser than usual. Harry looked good, like really very good. He was dressed up, his pants hugging his thighs deliciously. He was wearing a patterned button-down, the first couple of buttons undone which exposed the upper part of his chest. 

“What are you doing here?” Louis responded stupidly, his words slightly slurred from the drinks. He heard a laugh behind him to which he raised his middle finger behind his back to tell them off. 

“The girls brought me,” Harry said cheerily, pointing to Eleanor and Kendall who looked sheepish in their seats. He felt the boys behind him get up and saw from the corner of his eye as they went over to sit down at the booth, leaving Louis and Harry alone. 

“Okay,” Louis said, words escaping him. 

Harry tilted his head to the side, looking at him, visibly confused. “Are you okay?” He asked, sitting down on the stool next to him. 

“Yeah. Of course. I’m great. How’re you?” Louis gushed, chugging his drink between words. He couldn’t stand how hot the boy in front of him was. 

“I am okay…” Harry responded like he didn’t quite believe him. “It’s good to see you.” He added after Louis didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah mate, you too.” Louis wasn’t exactly sure why he couldn’t form a sentence, why his mind was spinning in thoughts that were completely unhelpful. He felt helpless. 

Harry bit his lip. “Are you mad at me?” He asked delicately, reaching to grab Louis’ drink and take a sip for himself. 

Louis watched as Harry’s lips touched the glass, exactly where Louis had drunk from. “No, Harry I am not.” He told him. 

“You seem angry,” Harry mumbled, not meeting his eyes. 

Louis grabbed the drink back from Harry, throwing him a slight scowl. “Maybe I am. But not at you.” He admitted, cracking his knuckles. 

The side of Harry’s mouth twitched. “You crack your knuckles when you’re upset.” He pointed out softly. 

“Do I?” Louis looked up at Harry from under his eyelashes. 

Harry nodded. “And you pace. Sometimes you cry when it’s really bad.” He continued. Louis tried to pretend like he couldn’t see the fond smile that rested on Harry’s face. 

Louis shook his head. “I never cry.” 

“Right, because you’re so macho.” Harry teased him, pausing to order his own drink. It wasn’t the one he used to order. Louis said nothing. 

Louis downed the rest of his drink, welcoming the buzz in his veins. “You’ve seen these muscles. You know I’d beat you in a fight.” The words fall out of his mouth before he can stop them. He knows they cross a line, that they reference a time before now. 

Harry doesn’t seem to care though because without missing a beat he responds. “Never.”

“Wanna bet?” Louis leans forwards drunkenly. 

“Always.”


	17. The Truth Comes Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry that this took so long for me to get up. I lost inspiration for a while. But here you go! It's a big one :)

Louis was drunk. Like, a few too many drinks, drunk. He was sitting between Eleanor and Kendall, head propped up on his hand as he stared at Harry. 

Harry was sitting across from him, eyes glassy and beautiful. Louis found himself entranced with them. With the way they lit up as Eleanor talked about Paris. He wasn’t sure why they were discussing Paris or when he got here, squished between two girls. But he was starting to feel as if he was being babysat and it was making him anxious. 

The other boys were at the bar, pretending that they knew nothing. Niall kept giving him the thumbs up as if Louis could say anything in front of the girls. He had been waiting all night to get Harry alone but at some point four drinks had turned to six and now he was here, unable to move and barely able to participate in the conversation. 

Louis was hating himself, counting all the ways that he had screwed up tonight when Zayn walked over to the table. He looked closely at Louis, his expression bright. 

“Should we continue this at my place?”

Louis, even in his current state, could tell what Zayn was trying to pull. Louis stayed silent, waiting for the confirmations. 

“Yeah, sounds good.” Harry murmured, eyes flicking to Louis quickly before he looked down at his hands, blushing. Louis smiled at the small action. 

When they got back to Zayn’s, Louis was beginning to feel way too sober, the cool air from the drive home waking him up significantly. He was punching himself mentally over and over for acting like such a dumbass all night, he didn’t have time to waste. 

Louis sat down on the couch, letting his head roll onto the fabric behind him. He closed his eyes, reflecting on a time where he didn’t have anything to prove to anyone, much less Harry Styles. 

Louis didn’t move or open his eyes as he felt someone sit next to him. Although, his heart started beating faster in his chest and his fingers twitched by his side at the mere thought that it could be Harry. 

“Hi,” Harry whispered, almost inaudible. 

Louis rolled his head over, opening his tired eyes to face a very, very, close Harry. His breath hitched and he chuckled lightly, but didn’t move away.

“Hey,” Louis responded after a moment, focusing on the couch instead of Harry’s eyes. Sometimes they were simply too bright. 

“You’re a sloppy drunk,” Harry said, no hint of anger or animosity in his tone. 

Louis shut his eyes. “I know.” He murmured. 

He was too bright. 

Louis heard Harry ask, his eyes still firmly shut. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah.” Louis breathed out, the world no longer spinning. 

“Good,” Harry responded. 

Louis held his breath, feeling tension thicken in the air. He flinched as he felt Harry’s fingertips brush his cheek. Louis opened his eyes slowly, frozen in place. 

“Coke anyone?” Niall yelled from the kitchen, Irish accent amplified by alcohol. 

“I’m gonna…” Louis trailed off, not wanting Harry to remove his fingers from his face.

Harry sighed. “Okay.” He nodded, his hands slipping back into his lap. 

Louis bit his lip, frustrated and confused. He got up from the couch, adjusting his jeans to hide the growing problem as he walked into the kitchen. 

Niall leaned against the counter, separating the lines with his credit card. His eyes brightened as he noticed Louis approaching. “You want?” He asked, gesturing towards the coke. 

“Yeah.” Louis nodded, sucking on his teeth. 

They each did a line, Louis tilting his head back in pleasure as it quickly entered his system. “You know what I was thinking?” Louis rushed, hopping up onto the counter. 

Zayn walked into the kitchen, doing a line before speaking. “What, Lou?” He asked, standing opposite him. The girls looked at Louis expectantly. 

“How marriage is a sham.” He finally said, throwing his arms up into the air. 

Niall snorted. “Of course you were thinking about that, you’re a slut.” He teased. 

“Shut up, Niall.” Louis furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms angrily. 

“He’s kind of right, Lou.” Zayn giggled behind his hand, pupils already huge. 

Louis looked around the kitchen, feeling as if something was missing. “Something is missing.” He said matter-of-factly. 

“What, Louis?” Eleanor asked from the corner, sipping on her Redbull. 

The attention seemed to be all on him and he was enjoying it. 

“Where’s Harry?” Louis asked, his voice sounding weird in his throat. 

“Here.” Harry raised his hand slightly, standing in the doorway. 

Louis’ face melted, and he smiled. “Oh.” He hopped off of the counter and made a b line towards Harry. “Harry and I need to talk.” He announced to the rest of the group before pulling Harry into the nearest bathroom. He closed the door behind them and locked it. 

“What’s up, Louis?” Harry asked hands at his sides awkwardly. 

“I want to talk to you,” Louis told him as he climbed into the bathtub, feet up on the ceramic tile. 

“About?” Harry questioned, sitting down on the side of the tub. 

Louis gestured between them. “Us.” He told him simply. 

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, hands clasped in his lap. Louis could never seem to stop staring at Harry’s hands. He knew what they could do in the dark. “What about us?” Harry asked, confusion making his throat tight. 

“I want the truth.” Louis stared up at the ceiling, feeling calm and energized all at once. 

“The truth…?” Louis could feel Harry’s eyes on him. The attention was invigorating. Louis continued to look up, eyes shut. 

“Where we went wrong.” Louis murmured, mind locked somewhere deep in the past. 

Harry laughed quietly, but Louis could still sense how nervous he was. “You want to do that all coked up?” He asked. 

“What better a time?” Louis giggled. 

“Okay. So, ask.”

Louis stayed silent for a moment, thinking. He had so many questions to ask but there just wasn’t enough time in the world.“When did you stop loving me?” He decided upon, asking it as if it was the easiest thing in the world. 

Louis almost heard Harry flinch. “Louis...I am not answering that.” Harry said firmly. 

Louis breathed sharply through his nose. “Okay. Why Camille?” He questioned. 

“What?” 

Louis lifted his head up, eyes pointed at Harry.“How’d you end up going from someone like me to someone like the angelic Camille?” He asked, each word sharp and to the point. 

“She’s not perfect, you know,” Harry answered, shaking his head. He looked almost sad, and Louis couldn’t figure out why. 

Louis shrugged. “Seems like it.”

“She isn’t.”

Louis was about to push further, aching for more information. Was Camille not as simple as he had first thought? But, he was interrupted by a knock on the door, Niall asking if they wanted anything more to drink. Louis rolled his eyes, of course, Niall would interrupt a moment as important as this one. 

Harry stood to open the door, revealing Niall holding two cups. Harry mumbled a thank you as he took them, looking almost embarrassed. He shut the door, not locking it and sat back down. “Are you sure you can handle this?” He asked, referring to the alcohol.

Louis huffed, grabbing the cup from Harry’s hand. “No.” He told him honestly. “But I have more questions.” He continued. 

Harry watched Louis’ lips as he rose the cup to his mouth, taking a giant swig. There was concern evident in his eyes, something Louis was choosing to ignore. 

Louis sat the cup down on the toilet. “What do you like about her?” 

Harry leaned his head against the wall, a thoughtful expression on his face. “She’s kind, funny, supportive. All the things you need really.” He listed. 

Louis stopped him before he could continue on much further. “Do you have a spark with her?” He questioned, head tilted to the side. 

“Yes, I think so.” Harry looked away from Louis, eyes on the contents of his cup. 

“You think so?” Louis teased, sitting up straighter in the tub. 

“Yes.” 

“You don’t sound sure about that.”

“We have great sex if that’s what you’re asking.” Harry shot daggers at Louis. 

Louis glared back. “I wasn’t, but thanks for the information.” He said sharply. 

“What about you and Niall? Zayn?” Harry asked, the alcohol affecting his speech slightly. Louis grinned. Harry was an honest drunk. 

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, although he knew exactly what he was implying. 

Harry rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you fucking them?” He spat out. 

“I am not having sex with Niall.” Louis snorted, finishing his cup and throwing it into the waste bin. Harry looked pleasantly surprised at learning the new information. 

“So, Zayn?”

“Sometimes, but you know that.”

“Yeah, I knew that,” Harry spoke bitterly. 

“Do you love her more than you loved me?”

“No.” Harry looked up at Louis through red-rimmed eyes, looking both sad and eager at the same time. 

“Do you love her at all?” Louis breathed. 

Harry took a deep breath. “Yes, I do.” 

“Are you going to marry her?” 

“Maybe one day.” Harry said, “Are you going to marry Zayn?” 

“Maybe. One day.” Louis echoed. Harry laughed delicately but his eyes stayed cold and guarded. Louis was starting to feel as if the bathroom was spinning, the bathtub the only thing keeping him grounded. He was sure he looked wrecked right now, his eyes definitely red and glassy, hair matted with sweat to the back of his neck. Harry looked perfect as always, his cheeks rosy and hair messy in a way that could only be endearing. 

“Do you ever think about me?” Louis asked after a moment, slowly sitting up to face Harry directly. 

“How so?” Harry asked, expression unchanged at Louis’ close proximity. 

Louis licked his lips, unable to help himself. “Like when you’re with her, do you think of me?”

Harry squinted. “Yes.” 

Louis leaned in even closer. “When you’re fucking?” He whispered, appreciating the way Harry’s pupils became larger at the words. 

“Sometimes.” Harry breathed out. 

Louis smirked, the alcohol talking for him. “Am I tighter than her?”

Harry looked down, a soft chuckle falling from his mouth. “Yes Louis, typically an asshole is tighter than a vagina.” He joked. 

“I guess you’re right.” Louis murmured. “Did you cum harder with me?”

Harry audibly gasped, cheeks reddening, “Lou…” He trailed out, eyes flickering to the other boy's mouth. 

Louis’ hand landed on the back of Harry’s neck. “Answer the question.” He cooed. 

Harry shook his head but didn’t remove Louis’ hand. He took it as a sign to stroke his hair softly. “No.” He answered weakly. 

Louis pouted, “Why not?”

Harry pulled away. “Because I don’t want it to happen like this.” Louis dropped his hand. 

His heart pounded in his chest. “What do you mean?” He asked, desperate. 

Harry opened his mouth, visibly flustered. Louis continued to stare at him, waiting for any kind of answer, even a sign of some sort. 

The door flew open, leaving the question hanging dangerously in the air, Eleanor stood in the doorway. She looked almost apologetic like she knew she was interrupting something. “Louis, we’re leaving. Do you want to take a cab with us? You can stay over.” She offered. 

“I’m gonna stay at Harry’s.” Louis blurted out, too drunk and high to think of the logistics. 

Eleanor looked surprised, “Is that okay with Harry?” She questioned, an eyebrow raised as she directed her attention towards Harry. 

Harry ran a hand through his curls. “Uh, yeah.” He nodded. 

Eleanor laughed, “I’m sure Camille will love that.” She commented sarcastically. Louis glared at her, to which she completely ignored. 

Harry flushed again. “She’s gone.” He explained quietly. 

“Again?” Eleanor asked, “Is she ever home?” 

Louis looked to Harry, waiting for him to answer. He didn’t. “Well, goodnight,” Eleanor said, slightly annoyed at the lack of response as she closed the door. 

Harry turned to Louis, “How did you two become best friends?” He questioned. 

Louis tried to open his mouth and reply but found he couldn’t. His mind was like mush and his limbs felt as if they were being tied down with weights. “Lou?” Harry asked, concern seeping into his voice. 

He stood quickly, looking over Louis, whose eyes were becoming too heavy to keep open.

The last thing Louis registered was Harry’s arms around his limp body, lifting him out of the tub and then the warmth of Harry’s chest. Then everything went dark.


End file.
